tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59161264366929785232024-03-05T08:41:54.131-08:00Survive, Live, ThriveBlended family adventures and loving our new life! (while also co-parenting with an ex who used to abuse us.)Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.comBlogger301125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-68715464597086006132022-08-29T12:42:00.002-07:002022-08-29T12:42:29.316-07:00Living with Gratitude even when you're hurting and/or Mad<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6KF1icZf-mX4V-YiPD7V00l73AyTwJ8z7JmEM5KgoU1yhZyeB7RD5ti5gfm-7MVJSahfwxs5Pcv6dODbY2wprnvTVM8RvyvZjtSNt82l4wTlIz7D6TOjHcRCNW0d7A0HLkzZ_JGjvE_bOKrl00zYOnNxfpgtGXg-4K0CwIhNuB81JSxWduh5LL42t1A/s1920/seashore-g95b6fd509_1920.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1920" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6KF1icZf-mX4V-YiPD7V00l73AyTwJ8z7JmEM5KgoU1yhZyeB7RD5ti5gfm-7MVJSahfwxs5Pcv6dODbY2wprnvTVM8RvyvZjtSNt82l4wTlIz7D6TOjHcRCNW0d7A0HLkzZ_JGjvE_bOKrl00zYOnNxfpgtGXg-4K0CwIhNuB81JSxWduh5LL42t1A/s320/seashore-g95b6fd509_1920.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;">Image credit <a href="https://pixabay.com/photos/seashore-water-sea-panoramic-3189285/">here</a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Dear World,</span></div>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">I promise this is not a preachy, everyone should just smile,
then love and laughter and butterflies will follow.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">While there is nothing wrong at all with
love, laughter, and butterflies, there is something to say about smiling when
we don’t feel like it, or society’s pressure to gloss over pain.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Living with gratitude can sound like a burden to someone who
has escaped an abusive marriage, or someone who is living with a long-term illness,
or suffering in physical or mental pain.</span><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><span style="font-family: arial;">Telling someone to smile while suffering can feel like a cold slap in
the face.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">What I’ve been learning through my survival of life—and to
be truthful, there are a few times that I should be dead, and somehow I am
not:</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">is that living with gratitude is not
faking happiness at all.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Or forcing
happiness when we feel like crying or we happen to be angry.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Living with love and gratitude is about stepping back from
our painful experiences and making even the tiniest space in believing in
something within ourselves, that we are worthy of love, worthy of being seen, that
we are separate from the pain we’re living in.</span><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><span style="font-family: arial;">Gratitude and love can start by making the tiniest spark of kindness and
forgiveness—to ourselves.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">You know that saying ‘everything happens for a reason’?</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Some people live by that and there are tons
of religious and spiritual arguments and justifications for why that is
so.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">But.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">I would never
tell someone who is suffering grief, or is a victim of abuse or violence, or
struggling with debilitating physical or mental disease, that their pain is ‘for
a reason.’</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">That sounds insufferably
judgmental at best and straight up cruel at worst.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">I don’t personally proscribe to that train of
thought, i.e. that children should be trafficked because it happens for a
reason.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Eff that.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">I understand that it makes for a great linear
story, that I suffered a great deal, I overcame it, and now I live happily ever
after and ride off into the sunset.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Life
is more complicated than a nicely fit feature film or tidy story.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">And, life is honestly rarely linear.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">I struggle with that “everything happens for a reason;”</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">I do not embrace that human suffering exists
in the world because it makes for people with privilege to feel comfortable
with it, if it ‘happens for a reason.’</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">I’m
also not saying folks who have great lives are responsible for the suffering in
the world, I am saying that we can all recognize injustices and hold in our
hearts space for empathy when we see it, instead of explaining it away as some ‘big
picture.’ </span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">To add love and peace and
kindness instead of shrugging our shoulders and saying, oh well, that’s that.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">We do not know each other’s journey, but we
can be kind and work on loving ourselves as we heal and make our way through
our own.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">(Also.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">There is a
difference from individuals who say and believe that what happened in their own
lives ‘happened for a reason’—that is their call and ownership of their own
story.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">I am differentiating individual
stories who embrace that, from the overall, glossy, global concept that all suffering
happens for a reason.)</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">And while there is terrible suffering in our lives, there is
also, the tiniest space for us to scrape out a place of healing.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Sometimes, we can miraculously break out of
the pain and welcome in light by the floodgates.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Other times, it can be the smallest act of kindness
either to ourselves or to someone else—just one small phrase or whisper:</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">I believe in you.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">You are worthy of love.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Big or small, being kind to ourselves and others is a
miracle that makes a difference in our divided world.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">And that is the start of living with
gratitude.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">I am grateful to have woken up to a new day.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">There may be challenges ahead, but I am doing
my best to meet them, and my goal today is to add a little kindness to the
world.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Love,</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Jane Thrive</span></p></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><br /><p></p>Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-33824944076427378092022-08-04T11:40:00.002-07:002022-08-04T11:40:15.739-07:00Living with Love<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyLySvPIA3QZhaziD9lNb0JJ3ayfeK1L55SNnE82RsDWwP7AR_c_7Nybs6u3DyDOxhyaPSdRS4vB738MD_ygpY-NDWQn4jjOQI3s2I3swrbduO9phOTN04ywBTSSlv_57UmKk-okC8rzWDqZciKM1I4RE1RKpOaPrnSo6r382PsL7RiPvJVoruJ1u10g/s1920/candle-g8d6598868_1920.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1920" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyLySvPIA3QZhaziD9lNb0JJ3ayfeK1L55SNnE82RsDWwP7AR_c_7Nybs6u3DyDOxhyaPSdRS4vB738MD_ygpY-NDWQn4jjOQI3s2I3swrbduO9phOTN04ywBTSSlv_57UmKk-okC8rzWDqZciKM1I4RE1RKpOaPrnSo6r382PsL7RiPvJVoruJ1u10g/s320/candle-g8d6598868_1920.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Image <a href="<a href="https://pixabay.com/users/webandi-1460261/?utm_source=link-attribution&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_campaign=image&amp;utm_content=2038736">Andreas Lischka</a> from <a href="https://pixabay.com//?utm_source=link-attribution&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_campaign=image&amp;utm_content=2038736">Pixabay</a>">credit</a></span></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dear World,</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Last night I said a little prayer about my life and thought to share my meditation and message:</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-862e7b9d-7fff-3293-9986-674149db89ec"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It all comes back to love. Show the world that love and compassion are the true purposes of being in this world. Like <a href="https://sarahjmaas.com/books/crescent-city-series/house-of-earth-and-blood/">Sarah Maas</a> said in her book: Through love, all is possible.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">People may laugh, judge, etc, but standing in love and sharing meaningful connection, being present, despite the barriers and structures that are set up in our faces, is the journey, is the act of bravery that we all need. Make love not hate. This doesn’t mean we ignore hate or hardships when we see it, but we find ways to allow the current of love to make space (even the tiniest space if we can) for healing. Protect your light. Share your heart. Love yourself, and if you can, love your neighbor, too.</span></p><div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Love,</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jane Thrive</span></div></span>Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-91241520350705523482022-06-21T16:12:00.004-07:002022-06-21T16:12:35.244-07:00Happy Solstice, 2022!<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFeOMqWEGfL-qS8BrIlK99m149yu28pmXZbwuht_Bq2CjvRHE192utwHMzrH-z8ahrX9Ghw9UrHYgqZnCryvoVeEHIgOS2axYwkjZsIXg35jm52Y-4MueYb57t5yqU-CWoe4qHCkn71Zp_HJ2FYYOJ4T3ne1MPUn-XoOqfKvgpkEQ-i2DzZpL2pnCZpg/s1920/solstice-g311f2ae7a_1920.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: arial; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="1920" height="125" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFeOMqWEGfL-qS8BrIlK99m149yu28pmXZbwuht_Bq2CjvRHE192utwHMzrH-z8ahrX9Ghw9UrHYgqZnCryvoVeEHIgOS2axYwkjZsIXg35jm52Y-4MueYb57t5yqU-CWoe4qHCkn71Zp_HJ2FYYOJ4T3ne1MPUn-XoOqfKvgpkEQ-i2DzZpL2pnCZpg/s320/solstice-g311f2ae7a_1920.jpg" width="320" /></a></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;">Summer solstice image </span><a href="https://pixabay.com/images/id-4469374/" style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;">credit</a></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">It is the longest day of the year for
us northern hemisphere folks and normally, I’d be a pretty happy camper—thinking
of all the summer-y things we can do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
be honest, the summer of 2022 has been a doozy, so here is my struggle list.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">One good thing though—since my last
emo </span><a href="https://survivelovethrive.blogspot.com/2022/05/teenager-girlmom-help.html" style="font-family: arial;">post</a><span style="font-family: arial;">
about raising a teenage daughter, that very same teenager has done a complete
180.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">After returning from her summer
vacay with her dad, she has been kind, thoughtful, helpful (did four, yes, i
said FOUR loads of laundry) and interacting.</span><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><span style="font-family: arial;">I am in a state of shock and awe, but also extreme thankfulness, too. </span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Holding my breath so I don’t somehow jinx this
amazing and wonderful situation!</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Pray
for me!! :D (She is truly growing into a thoughtful, smart, funny human being
who cares about people and I am grateful.)</span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Surviving Solstice struggle list:</span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"></p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Emotional paralysis after living with 2
years+ pandemic working and caretaking.</span></span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Physical weakness due to item number
1: i.e. less energy to do the exercising, etc. (I am recovering from surgery
still yet...)</span></span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Recovering from surgery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Testing myself due to COVID exposures;
wondering when will I get COVID, or when will family member get COVID again?</span></span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Mid-life crisis-ing:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>waking up each morning thinking, what is the
point of getting out of bed, when so many people are a-holes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(See last <a href="https://survivelovethrive.blogspot.com/2022/06/meaningful-connection-in-times-of-sorrow.html">post</a>).</span></span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">When the hubby gets his man-period,
then I have three tweens/teens in the house and I want to pull my hair out.</span></span></li></ol><p></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Surviving Solstice coping list:<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Be gentle
with you-emotionally and physically, you can only do what you can do.</span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Tell someone
you love them.</span></span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Cry.</span></span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Call someone
you love and trust and take a moment to connect.</span></span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Make stupid,
venting jokes about a-hole people.</span></span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Do something
physically active (limited if cannot get out of bed, but then if you get out of
bed, celebrate that small miracle for what it is!)</span></span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Take a bath.</span></span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Vege out to
k-dramas or tiktok videos or Stranger Things 4.</span></span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Therapy. </span></span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Breathe - meditative breathing, or try the free <a href="https://insighttimer.com/" rel="nofollow">insight timer app</a>.</span></span></li><li><span lang="haw" style="mso-ansi-language: #0475;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Nature - get outside, even for a few minutes, and listen to the wind.</span></span></li></ol><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">When I see
this list, I see many privileges and abilities.</span><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><span style="font-family: arial;">And at the same time, I recognize that living is just f%*(ing hard.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">So letʻs do
our best to stay in the moment and hope that we can come together and help each
other along.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">And talk to
yourself like you talk to someone you love.</span><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><span style="font-family: arial;">I love you.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Love,</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Jane Thrive</span></p>Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-61544811070899214582022-06-09T13:06:00.008-07:002022-06-09T13:06:58.687-07:00Meaningful Connection in Times of Sorrow<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqBHEQxfqme9V2pA4dMNnpakqGjoXX18uEfOxiK9JTny1Vbgv12EWiI3bPCRMqOmfjAO3EorK--3tbnY_fqo4ugORQHLKmFaWc8X8-m6JQ2-ctaNHsNRpU1YtPXXLuS1wHsZr2zcapayf1cPgPKXW7IHAh_ODWq8WEwT6ec5XIYDkVUsO39vjULcaY5Q/s1920/puzzle-g3ec4aa00e_1920.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="969" data-original-width="1920" height="162" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqBHEQxfqme9V2pA4dMNnpakqGjoXX18uEfOxiK9JTny1Vbgv12EWiI3bPCRMqOmfjAO3EorK--3tbnY_fqo4ugORQHLKmFaWc8X8-m6JQ2-ctaNHsNRpU1YtPXXLuS1wHsZr2zcapayf1cPgPKXW7IHAh_ODWq8WEwT6ec5XIYDkVUsO39vjULcaY5Q/s320/puzzle-g3ec4aa00e_1920.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: xx-small;">photo credit <a href="https://pixabay.com/images/id-1721592/">here</a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Dear
World,<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I
was sidelined by a few things in the last two weeks: particularly with the
horror of the mass shooting in </span><a href="https://www.npr.org/series/1101183663/uvalde-elementary-school-shooting" style="font-family: arial;">Uvalde,
TX</a><span style="font-family: arial;"> and the loss of 19 children and 2 teachers who died trying to protect
them.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">And the rise of gun violence, </span><a href="https://www.edweek.org/leadership/school-shootings-this-year-how-many-and-where/2022/01" style="font-family: arial;">especially
in schools</a><span style="font-family: arial;">, is heartbreaking.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Brave and
amazing folks—including an 11 year old survivor and family members related to
the kids who lost their lives in Uvalde </span><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/jun/08/us-house-hearing-gun-violence-survivors-testify-miah-cerrillo" style="font-family: arial;">testified
for gun control</a><span style="font-family: arial;"> in the U.S. House today, and while the House passed a
wide-reaching gun control bill, it is likely to fail in the Senate.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">I am absolutely rageful that there are folks
that would allow political gun money to take precedence over our public safety,
especially children.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">If
you’re looking for a place to protest, you can see here, for a series of </span><a href="https://marchforourlives.com/" style="font-family: arial;">gun violence protests</a><span style="font-family: arial;"> happening across
the country on Saturday, June 11</span><sup style="font-family: arial;">th</sup><span style="font-family: arial;">.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">These
days I’ve been waking up overwhelmed with the weight of the world, sometimes
not even wanting to roll out of bed, and maybe this is a normal human reaction
to all the !@#$ that is happening in the world right now.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">To feel powerless at times.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Sometimes I ask:</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">what the h3^^ are we even doing here?</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">When
we feel down and overwhelmed, these questions arise:</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">what can we do, what can one person do to
make a difference in our turbulent lives?</span><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><span style="font-family: arial;">What can we do that will matter?</span><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><span style="font-family: arial;">Sometimes we can call ourselves to action, such as in an active protest
as mentioned prior.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Other times, we can
look to lift our voices and shout out into the world, or lift other voices up
and join them in solidarity, to demand change.</span><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><span style="font-family: arial;">Other times, maybe it is something small, a phone call to a loved
one.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">A moment of shared empathy or
grief.</span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">When
I am still, I sometimes think about Dr. Bren</span><span style="font-family: arial;">é Brown’s </span><a href="https://brenebrown.com/about" style="font-family: arial;">work</a><span style="font-family: arial;"> that includes </span><a href="https://brenebrown.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/GoI_WithoutJudgment_QuoteCard_800.jpg" style="font-family: arial;">meaningful
connection</a><span style="font-family: arial;">. She has studied the human
condition for decades and some of the highlights that resonate with me include
her work on empathy, true empathy.
Empathy is not about ‘walking in one another’s shoes,’ because our bias
prevents us from actually walking in and experiencing someone else’s
experience. Instead, true empathy is
about making space for another person</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">for them to share their experience,
and then, most importantly, to have the capacity to <i>believe </i>that their story is, indeed, true. This sounds easy, but actually, it is way
harder than at first read, because our bias can get in the way. It is hard to believe someone else’s story if
in doing so means we also re-examine our own experiences and are held
accountable in any way, if their story makes us uncomfortable, or reveals truths
that we are not ready to accept. This is
why folks get so reactive on topics such as systemic racism and gender
bias. Rather than accepting diverse and difficult
experiences, they shy away out of defense and protection of ego and the status
quo. But I digress….(another post
altogether, honestly).</span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">What
resonates for me in Dr. Brown’s work re: this particular idea about “what can
we do when we feel powerless against so much awfulness in the world?’: is back to forming meaningful connections and
that we can be careful </span><a href="https://brenebrown.com/articles/2021/12/05/the-practice-of-story-stewardship/" style="font-family: arial;">stewards
of each others’ stories</a><span style="font-family: arial;">. About
how this turns the conversation away from control and agendas, but to a context
of considerate learning and inspiration.
How an act of empathy and friendship, true friendship, is an act of
love. That by supporting and uplifting
voices around us, even the smallest scale, is a miracle in it of itself. And these small miracles do have the capacity
to heal our broken world.</span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">At least,
that is my hope. <3</span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Love,</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Jane
Thrive</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><o:p></o:p></p>Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-20036510316698560462022-05-24T18:25:00.001-07:002022-05-24T18:25:08.443-07:00(Teenager) GirlMom Help!<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiurtKZmGGal7xrMyBAdFrrrxy3BunXO_w7exJL02BTQvMZ_ITCXZ9_0pyo_aVcKGTrvgBPx8i6JtxQsPgVrJ_0fDnphC0pw6oKVSXbhkLkPo15vH9LJWusGd3KkxW5LAWIv_jU26mQLZxqTZJFkGvNE8K0INA2CHg2bM3zyyrcBWTHxarTTfHyOAJBYQ/s700/heart3-700x366.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="366" data-original-width="700" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiurtKZmGGal7xrMyBAdFrrrxy3BunXO_w7exJL02BTQvMZ_ITCXZ9_0pyo_aVcKGTrvgBPx8i6JtxQsPgVrJ_0fDnphC0pw6oKVSXbhkLkPo15vH9LJWusGd3KkxW5LAWIv_jU26mQLZxqTZJFkGvNE8K0INA2CHg2bM3zyyrcBWTHxarTTfHyOAJBYQ/s320/heart3-700x366.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">(picture credit <a href="https://peacefulmindpeacefullife.org/5-reminders-when-dealing-with-heartache/" target="_blank">here</a>)</span></div><p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Dear
World, </span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Maybe the kids are *not* all right. If
there are any moms of teenagers out there (or mom survivors of teenagers), I would
really, really be grateful for any words of wisdom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially if you are/were doing the two
household situation due to a divorce (long ago).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And especially, especially if your co-parent hailed
from an abusive household and has not healed from it...</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">From
this teenager mom: I need a hug. Or a million.
And a vodka shot. Maybe more than one.</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">This
heartfelt “letter from” series on The Guardian, sums up my insides <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jul/25/a-letter-to-my-teenage-girl-who-hates-me-so-very-much">exactly</a>.</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The
context: For the last few years (even in
COVID), I was able to pull off a birthday lunch for my daughter with her school
friends, and this year, we discussed the same a couple of weeks ago. Last night, I realized that in a few days, said
daughter would be off with her summer break time with dad, and I thought to
talk to finish up her planning at dinner.
She seemed hesitant at first, then blurted out that she wanted to do something
small with us, and that she would do something with her school friends with
dad. I did my best to react kindly, even
as I was a little surprised, and continued to nod and say okay and sounds good.</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">After
dinner, I thought to check in with her (apparently big mistake #1), and ask her
about her thought process. My
words: Hi honey, just thought to check
in, can you please help me understand your thought process, only because a
couple of weeks ago we had started working on her party over here and that is
okay, just wondered? Her response immediately
escalated into yelling at me about how she never made any kind of decision
before, and that I didn’t trust her to make her own choices, and how dare I
question her? It was such a strong
reaction, I was taken off guard and the more I tried to soothe and say, okay,
everything is okay, the more she agitated and upset she got.</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I
literally told her I think it is good she can have fun with her dad, or do fun
things with him. I said it is 100% okay
to say, hey mom, I changed my mind, I would like to have a party with dad this
year and do something small with my old old friends over here. And she grimaced and said, well, OKAY MOM, I
changed my mind and just want my three friends over here. And you don’t trust me and you just want to
blame dad instead of trusting me to make my own decisions and to get out. </span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">So,
reading the room, I got out! When
everyone calmed down, about an hour later, I had to check on her for the next
morning commute (I make her breakie on the go).
And in doing so, I reinforced with her and said, honey, it is important
that you understand what is in my head about dad. Please don’t put your thoughts in there. I have always thought and still do think it
is good that you can do good things with him; I am happy you are going on your
trip with him to spent time with aunty (his girlfriend), I really like aunty,
and have always supported you doing things with dad ever since you were a
little girl. And she just said: OKAY.</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">And
I thought, well…okay maybe it is okay?
But it isn’t okay—because I learned later that her interpretation of
events was that I was going after her and giving it to her and that I didn’t
trust her and she is so tired of it all.</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">My
heart still hurts about this; how badly my words have been misinterpreted and
it doesn’t matter that I stood there calmly, using quiet words. I remember seeing this comedy routine from <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DryBarComedy/videos/meanest-daughter-leanne-morgan/2380635625524320/">this
mom</a> who says that she angers her daughter just by breathing. </span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I’m trying not to cry my eyes out, because underneath it all, I know that her
father has for years delighted in the manipulation of how unfair everything is
in terms of his perspective of not having ‘equal’ time with the girls—even though
it is for their own protection. And the
girls have spent years taking care of him emotionally and tiptoeing around his
temper. They painstakingly and
repeatedly reported blow-by-blow accounts of what happens at our house (and I
have heard him making sly and negative comments). However, in the reverse, they have never felt
comfortable sharing what activities they do with him, even going to ‘secret’
beaches that they can’t tell me about because ‘it’s a secret.’ </span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">All
my efforts to escape his abuse (physical and mental) and it feels like in this
scenario, we have not escaped. All my
efforts to be supportive, as best as I can, to never badmouth, to hear their
worries and reflect them back with support and empathy, without ever negative
talking their father, and to also react positively when they share fun things
that they do? To be the ‘safe’ house,
yet still, somehow, my words/interprets my words as negative and blaming and
icky.</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I
know being a parent of teenagers is tough; I didn’t know that by saying I
support your time with your dad would be interpreted as mom is after me and
blames dad for everything. It is enough
to throw your hands up and give up.</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I
know I can’t give up. But boy does my
heart ache. I don’t think I am cut out
for this teenager heartache.</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">p.s.
thank goodness for therapists. She helped
me understand that the bonds between child and mom will always be there. That it is normal for teenage girls to go off
on their moms; also okay for me to say: hey I hear you are having a hard time
and I am always here for you, but it is hard to hear when you are turning on me. </span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;">That she likely does it because she feels
safe. But my heart hurts because of and
also for her.</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;"><o:p></o:p></p>Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-80535962845218755072022-05-17T17:41:00.004-07:002022-05-17T17:41:25.255-07:00Current Vibe: BLM, Women's Rights (RBG forever), He Got COVID and we survived<p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDTyt9Z94szHKwigCfOjeC32Iu2Tqvk0cKkz-paMcluUq9qxNgswa57Ry0OFXh07G8mUb1_6hKgq27wkKqydNhPnNydSsqi88KiiSlSd1WDPXYBDM_GjlQwe4EtnYVp-IheJnUTZLixAZ0WLLres50hCF-hg5d_umT56GLEvMN3QQM-HG_9QNvEsPAOg/s1791/spirit%20log.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: arial; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1791" data-original-width="1440" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDTyt9Z94szHKwigCfOjeC32Iu2Tqvk0cKkz-paMcluUq9qxNgswa57Ry0OFXh07G8mUb1_6hKgq27wkKqydNhPnNydSsqi88KiiSlSd1WDPXYBDM_GjlQwe4EtnYVp-IheJnUTZLixAZ0WLLres50hCF-hg5d_umT56GLEvMN3QQM-HG_9QNvEsPAOg/s320/spirit%20log.jpg" width="257" /></a></p></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Dear World,</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">I dropped off the face of the planet for the last two years,
completely overwhelmed. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">I hope to reconnect through the blogosphere once again. The world has gone extremely nuts since the
pandemic so let’s give a quick update, and then I hope to come back to
regularly scheduled programming. <3</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Hubby and I marched in the BLM 2020 summer
protest held locally (with masks on) and still stand in solidarity against
systemic racism.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Clearly, more work
needs to be done, considering the f!@#$ racist mass shooting in </span><a href="https://www.npr.org/2022/05/15/1099028397/buffalo-shooting-what-we-know" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Buffalo</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">.</span></span></li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">I have marched in two protests relating to
reproductive health rights for women, once because of the Texan (aka the <a href="https://the-handmaids-tale.fandom.com/wiki/Republic_of_Gilead_(Series)" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Republic
of Gilead</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">) </span><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/sep/01/texas-abortion-law-supreme-court" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">draconian
law</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> that they managed to pass, limiting abortions at six weeks (when most
folks don’t even know they are pregnant) and also giving private citizens the
right to sue anyone who is seeking or provides a legal and safe abortion for up
to $10,000.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">(How about giving folks
$10,000 worth of healthcare/prenatal/postnatal/early education support?)</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">The second, a couple of days ago, in response
to the US Supreme Court </span><a href="https://www.politico.com/news/2022/05/02/supreme-court-abortion-draft-opinion-00029473" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">leaked
draft opinion</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> that looks to overturn Roe v. Wade and turn the clock back on
50 years of women’s legally protected constitutional right to healthcare.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">For more action on this, please see </span><a href="https://riseup4abortionrights.org/" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">RiseUp4AbortoinRights</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">These initial protests are just the beginning.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">P.s. at our particular protest, there were
folks who graduated high school in 1972, sharing very vivid memories of what
they experienced before abortion was legal.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">And young women half my age taking on this battle, sharing their expressions
of leadership and action—they inspired my heart!</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">I’ve been protesting since the 1992 </span><a href="https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/abortion-rights-advocates-march-on-washington" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">March
on Washington</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">, and 30+ years later, can’t believe I still have to protest
for this $hizzle.</span></span></li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Hubby contracted and recovered from
COVID-19.<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">TWICE.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Miraculously, he was okay, and none of us
caught it.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">He is fine, we are fine.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">(Wait, are we really fine?) While the US has
surpassed the </span><a href="https://apnews.com/article/us-covid-death-toll-one-million-7cefbd8c3185fd970fd073386e442317" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">1
million mark</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> for COVID-19 deaths, I think maybe not.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">And our hearts are with the families and
loved ones of those lost.</span></span></li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">I have been self-medicating with funny animal,
cooking, and dancing Tiktok videos and am weirdly inspired by young people just
a little bit older than my daughters, speaking out and sounding the alarm against
climate change, systemic racism, and the draft opinion rolling back women’s
rights.</span></li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">I broke my foot (healed) in a freak accident and
am recovering from shoulder surgery (healing).<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">While mobility is limited, I am able to resume work.</span></span></li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Most importantly, the kids are all right, as
best that can be expected, but more soon on the state of their access to their
last living grandmother (due to their father’s fighting), which makes me
sad.<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Learning to let go of the things
that I can’t control, and coming to terms with supporting my girls.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">While I know what the ‘right’ thing is (support
them in having regular visits with their grandma), I have to accept that my
role is to remove the bind from them—they love grandma with all their hearts,
but they also know they pay a price if they see her with me :(.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">The saddest of all of this is she is
suffering from memory loss, and soon it will be too late.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">:(</span></span></li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">In spite of all this crazy nutso shizzle, it has
not been all doom and gloom over here…life finds a way.<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">I hope to share some of the amazing
supportive resources that have helped me get through some of the hardest times
in my life these past two years.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Here is
one:</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Oprah Winfrey’s </span><a href="https://www.oprah.com/app/super-soul-sunday.html" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Super Soul Sundays</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
podcast.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Specifically, her interviews
with </span><a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bren%C3%A9-brown-part-1-daring-greatly/id1264843400?i=1000390738746" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Dr.
Brené Brown</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">, about how
being vulnerable is our greatest strength in finding courage to lift one
another up in meaningful connection. </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><3</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">(There are four interviews with Oprah, two focusing on “</span><a href="https://brenebrown.com/book/atlas-of-the-heart/" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Atlas of the Heart</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">,”
and two on “</span><a href="https://brenebrown.com/book/daring-greatly/" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Daring
Greatly</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">”)</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">And bonus resources: Dr.
Brown’s HBO Max 5 episode series focusing on her research on </span><a href="https://brenebrown.com/hbo-max-presents-brene-brown-atlas-of-the-heart/" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Atlas
of the Heart</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> and her amazing </span><a href="https://brenebrown.com/" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">site</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> that
links to her own podcasts. <3</span></span></li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Keep on keeping on!<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Breath, survive. And thrive. <3</span></span></li></ul>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-family: arial;">Love and hugs,</span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle"><span style="font-family: arial;">Jane Thrive</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p><br /><p></p>Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-24638672767473211212021-06-02T19:00:00.002-07:002021-06-02T19:01:57.488-07:00June 2021<p>Dear World,</p><p>I have been utterly overwhelmed some days and unbelievably thankful and grateful on others. The emotional swings from debilitating anxiety and depression to scraping by to achieve in my professional life and provide for my family is a seesaw of craziness. I cannot believe some days that I "made it" through the day, hour, week. But here I am, summer 2021. I crack up and want to cry at the same time. </p><p>So far:</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>No one has caught COVID-19</li><li>Everyone is vaccinated except for littlest sister who is too young still yet.</li><li>Hubby is back to work full time, after being out for nearly a year.</li><li>I am teleworking, but as the emergency orders start winding down, I am praying I make it through until little sister goes back to school full time (they say schools fully re-opening in the fall).</li><li>Ex husband has been usual pain in the ass about everything; chalking it up to pandemic anxiety and separation from his long distance girlfriend? He argued vehemently against big sister getting her vaccine, accusing me of falsifying health records to get the appointment, only to turn around two days later to sign her up at the all-school vaccine clinic (can't look back in front of the parents/student body...?)...but the end goal is that she got her vaccination protection and that's what matters. <3</li></ul><div>I am wishing love and health and safety to the world. </div><div>Love,</div><div>Jane Thrive</div><div><br /></div><div>p.s. While in "survive" mode at the moment, still grateful for the resources that I have to be able to support my family.</div><p></p>Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-51018523610706954092021-01-19T17:53:00.000-08:002021-01-19T17:53:11.524-08:00Happy New Year 2021<p style="text-align: center;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHENK_SoHYFI_qISsIgjiJT4ICFygssjnlN23mW-F2V2HwsCZkcWmZ8-zUpWqNw4TNH1uQeoP2wI_hAY8RFAOaAdulD7LsFT3pRIkfMYZLQwiDwQ6l-PSFiygYxFAN9ENslqXyCeJRERSf/s4032/rainbow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHENK_SoHYFI_qISsIgjiJT4ICFygssjnlN23mW-F2V2HwsCZkcWmZ8-zUpWqNw4TNH1uQeoP2wI_hAY8RFAOaAdulD7LsFT3pRIkfMYZLQwiDwQ6l-PSFiygYxFAN9ENslqXyCeJRERSf/s320/rainbow.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: left;">So thankful to
be healthy and alive and well—kids are okay, hubby is working part time, pending return to full-time; I’m
employed. Kids father is still acting like
a prick, but manageable for now. </div></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">We’re just all
tuckered down, waiting for our new administration to get sworn in tomorrow and to keep
on working as hard as we can on healing and being the love I want to see in the
world. Come on COVID-19 vaccines and a return to safety and health for the world.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Wishing you all
love and peace and health for 2021.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">(It’s
going to be better than 2020 dammit.) </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Love,</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Jane Thrive</span></p>Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-16908079806440534582020-10-02T14:40:00.002-07:002021-01-19T17:53:48.055-08:00October - COVID, Halloween, and School <p style="text-align: center;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN5ygFuZKeVYxKRJXCbLPJpfbKXBatN1iK3W8vcEMZ1PGRKDLYR310zD89GhUQmUe8O4gTJf-O5nQih0KTVO97xgOazBJ1rKiFGgF7L7-wykfMi1kuCuO9VuQtigIkm9Kk7VNHxNkX1fUo/s750/2020+calendar+meme.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="500" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN5ygFuZKeVYxKRJXCbLPJpfbKXBatN1iK3W8vcEMZ1PGRKDLYR310zD89GhUQmUe8O4gTJf-O5nQih0KTVO97xgOazBJ1rKiFGgF7L7-wykfMi1kuCuO9VuQtigIkm9Kk7VNHxNkX1fUo/s320/2020+calendar+meme.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"> </span></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">First, the best
overview of a presidential debate ever in history comes from Weird Al Yankovic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un9x-DjTMT0">Please watch and weep with
laughter</a>.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">Secondly, 45
has COVID and FLOTUS does as well, and the internet is exploding with <a href="https://mashable.com/article/trump-covid-19-twitter-reactions/">memes</a>.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think many are struggling with the satisfaction
that the karma train has rolled into the station, and the terribleness of
feeling that satisfaction for when someone has contracted a deadly disease.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">Thirdly, I’ve
started a 50 mile walk/run challenge for October—that means if I walk/run 50
miles by 10/31/2020, then I’ll get a medal and also a tank top, lol. This is
for my health and anxiety, I honestly think that getting meaningful exercise is
helping me stay sane, but the medal will be a nice bonus. Ha ha ha!</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">Fourthly,
because trick-or-treating will be out of the question this year, I’m going to
take the girls on a horseback ride and we’re going to plant a tree—it’s a combo
horseback riding, plant a tree private tour situation and what a great way to
help the environment, support a local farm/business, and do something fun with
the family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(insert heart emoji)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">Fifthly, the
kids are all right with this back to school situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Little sis is virtual throughout the fall,
big sis is back on campus, but with PPE out the wazoo, a health monitoring app
every morning, and social distancing to the nth degree, so I’m not actually
concerned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will see how it all pans out
with the regular flu season upon us, but we're pretty happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also big sis got an award for her high gpa
from 2019-2020, and we are so proud of her!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In teenage fashion, her reaction was:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>meh.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">LOL.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">Stay safe and
healthy!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">Love,<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">Jane Thrive<o:p></o:p></span></p>Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-51021874112440015212020-09-22T15:12:00.000-07:002020-09-22T15:12:00.155-07:00When There Are Nine: RBG, my mom, and then me<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVDfHUCTG_zfkFwgVdmXpoVAHaB4hc8bUlqi3KDiG_-NoqW-BQw-YxtZIqv2WDBKRAOqZmt8o56Bfvz8O-ntRcslxFCdukkP7crjlJ7IBTFlNkVz7jiFr0XY8yA8KAJF4ueWZ5qoPQ3poe/s1024/WhenThereAreNine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="731" data-original-width="1024" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVDfHUCTG_zfkFwgVdmXpoVAHaB4hc8bUlqi3KDiG_-NoqW-BQw-YxtZIqv2WDBKRAOqZmt8o56Bfvz8O-ntRcslxFCdukkP7crjlJ7IBTFlNkVz7jiFr0XY8yA8KAJF4ueWZ5qoPQ3poe/s320/WhenThereAreNine.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://ktla.com/news/nationworld/flowers-homemade-signs-blanket-supreme-court-grounds-in-tribute-to-ginsburg/">Photo Credit</a></div><p></p><p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Current Vibe: Devastated by the loss of RBG, this amazing woman
who impacted our lives so much. Listening
to this wonderful <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/part-1-the-life-of-ruth-bader-ginsburg/id1200361736">podcast</a>
about her life from NYT’s _The Daily_. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">RBG’s life was
a slow and steady path towards progress and institutional change, especially
with regard to gender equality. She paved the way for a more just world, where my
mom’s career in science and engineering could exist and for my own as a
financially able, working mom of two.
When RBG was a young woman, teachers were fired if they were just beginning
to show they were pregnant. If someone
tried to do that ridiculousness now, they would be sued.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I played that
NYT’s podcast in the car when picking up my daughter and her BFF from their
first day of blended pandemic back to school.
When I explained that fact about teachers, they couldn’t believe their
ears, literally their mouths were hung open in shock. I was like, yes girls, can you imagine if
your teacher was fired because she was pregnant? It’s insane! And…it’s not that far away from
us.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I’m grieving
for the loss of such a light in the world.
I’m raging at the white men in power who are doing everything they can
to scrap and scrabble for their rights over other human beings, throwing their
hypocritical remarks into the wind for millions of campaign dollars. I’m so freaking depressed about minority rule
in this country. How dare they attempt
to walk back decades of progress.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I’ll admit it—I’m
scared, terrified, that now I have to be the one to stand up. Or maybe I’m tired. But I don’t get to be tired, I have to be
strong. I better stand up, because
without Ruth on the highest court of the land writing for today and tomorrow,
then we have to do the writing and the standing.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">This is going
to sound really strange and weird, but I feel like I’m grieving my own mom all
over again. Maybe because I saw her as a
beacon of strength, no matter how hurt I was as a young girl (I have a high E.Q.,
my mom has a high science I.Q., and maybe they just don’t match so well…), I
knew she always did what she could, her very best, to provide for her
family. She was a single working mom, married
to not the best of men until her third marriage.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">When a teacher yelled
at me as a second grader, I can’t even remember for what—maybe something about
dropping an eraser at the chalkboard? My
mom marched in and called her out on it.
I didn’t witness that, but one of the things my mom shared with me was
this: my mom never stood up for me if any
teacher treated me unfairly, saying that’s just how it was. So I vowed that when I grew up, I would always
go in and do something if that happened to one of MY kids…</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">My mom’s sense
of fairness—was pretty black and white in her thinking, not many shades of gray
for her, which with my fragile and passionate heart, had trouble navigating
until I was an adult. Mom broke her own barriers
in education and workplace, an undergraduate biology major, then as a single
mom of two, earning her master’s degree in industrial hygiene, and then embarking
on a career in employee safety and later migrating to engineering—all male
dominated fields, but she carved a successful career, traveling the country and
sometimes bringing us with her when we were young, otherwise always home with
dinner on the table by 6pm, and then later traveling the world for her job. At the same time, I’m pretty sure she voted
republican and deferred in her later life to my brother about legal decisions (glossing
over any opinions I may have shared). I
was her emotional comfort, I guess, and my brother, being “the man” while at
the same time emotionally distant with her, simply was more respected for all things
real world. Perhaps internalized patriarchy,
but all the same, Mom broke barriers just by breathing and living.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">When she
passed, I was broken for a month, and then I picked myself up and started
running, out of the blue. (I’ve now completed
two half marathons, and would have done a third if not for the pandemic.) Because
somewhere in the back of my foggy drink-addled head after her passing, I could
almost hear her pragmatic voice: well, get on with it already. You’ve got two kids to take care of and a job
to do.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">So I guess I
kept on keeping on. Somehow RBG’s spirit
and my mom’s spirit resonate similarly with me—the former bucking tradition and
taking mini steps to change the world at large, the latter bucking tradition
and taking mini steps that changed my very personal world. And now they’re both gone, and it’s left my
heart breaking at the edges, the middle, and inside.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I vacillate
between overwhelmed with depression and at the same time, rage against the
world that would leave me (and women) behind and out of the rooms where
decisions are being made. I can’t stand
the unfairness—something my mom instilled in me and one that RBG challenged and
defeated time and again—unfairness on the basis of sex, gender, race. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I comfort at
the RBG tributes <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/gallery/2020/sep/19/tributes-to-ruth-bader-ginsburg-in-pictures">here</a>,
<a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/ruth-bader-ginsburg-death-supreme-court-mourners-gather-2020-09-19/">here</a>,
and <a href="https://www.thecut.com/2020/09/the-most-moving-ruth-bader-ginsburg-tributes.html">here</a>.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">And I remember
that we are not alone, even if we feel like it.
My daughters can’t imagine a world where a teacher would be fired for
being pregnant. Yet that was “the norm”
when RBG was a young lady, and would also have been just passing by when my mom
embarked on her college career. I will
not forget and I will keep fighting as long as there is air in my lungs to
breathe. Even when I feel beyond tired
and want to cry. We can do this, if only
in our hearts, then our minds, then our words, then our actions:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">p.s. Rage
donating to campaigns to support flipping seats Blue via <a href="https://secure.actblue.com/">Actblue</a>.
Specifically donating to:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Amy McGrath, KY
(polls are all over the place, but would dream a dream if she could win)<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Mark Kelly, AZ
(he can sit right away if he’s elected, because it’s a special election)<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Sara Gideon, ME<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Jaime Harrison,
SC<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Pat Timmons-Goodson,
NC (Obama judge appointee that the Senate blocked, now carries a lead for US
Congressional Rep)</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p>
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Malgun Gothic"; mso-fareast-language: KO; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">Apparently, I’m not alone in
doing <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/18/us/elections/democrats-shatter-actblues-donation-records-after-ginsburgs-death.html">this</a>—record
breaking donations poured in last Friday night.
Thank goodness. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Malgun Gothic"; mso-fareast-language: KO; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Malgun Gothic"; mso-fareast-language: KO; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">p.p.s. women's rights are human rights and human rights are women's rights</span></p>Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-70368272384863945162020-09-18T18:52:00.003-07:002020-09-18T18:52:50.123-07:00RBG - no no no please I can't say goodbye to you <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhs06GcOpvuOZSSWMZcqIaQB89YNUupi5YGk1WefYYMEgD4iMRsCPI76hTYLa6u7LDxJuufJar1CXOgVN14eUx8QZOFJbpZIMcnXpEiSOFgXyPQwoTvNxKQtuHwtBLg-gbByW8LxKTZhDy/s1536/RBG+1933-2020.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="863" data-original-width="1536" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhs06GcOpvuOZSSWMZcqIaQB89YNUupi5YGk1WefYYMEgD4iMRsCPI76hTYLa6u7LDxJuufJar1CXOgVN14eUx8QZOFJbpZIMcnXpEiSOFgXyPQwoTvNxKQtuHwtBLg-gbByW8LxKTZhDy/s320/RBG+1933-2020.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p>The incredible <a href="https://www.npr.org/2020/09/18/100306972/justice-ruth-bader-ginsburg-champion-of-gender-equality-dies-at-87">RBG</a> passed away today, and my heart dropped down to my toes. She worked tirelessly to secure fundamental rights for women and reached into the hearts of so many, including men and children, including my DD1, to teach us about what can be done if we put our minds and strength behind our words and action.</p><p>2020: I can't even with you anymore.</p>Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-53015300434393174002020-09-11T14:21:00.009-07:002020-09-11T14:30:43.101-07:00Remembering 9/11, the path I’ve been walking, and some COVID coping…<p style="text-align: center;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCNG4Yk9DeIKiPgmohfPw6x76Qi_uKsZzVpeGcvl9638vCgk0Qrz1AisT85WWllX98WxBKvNddsV2mcHCZRKIWR5IWwfEwnDYaW4obtHTxAJkt-V8wjAPWfZxB2kIf1CYAIR6qm2v3pb9u/s1920/world-trade-center-memorial-271356_1920.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1079" data-original-width="1920" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCNG4Yk9DeIKiPgmohfPw6x76Qi_uKsZzVpeGcvl9638vCgk0Qrz1AisT85WWllX98WxBKvNddsV2mcHCZRKIWR5IWwfEwnDYaW4obtHTxAJkt-V8wjAPWfZxB2kIf1CYAIR6qm2v3pb9u/s320/world-trade-center-memorial-271356_1920.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://pixabay.com/images/id-271356/" target="_blank">9/11 Memorial fountain</a></div></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I can't believe
it's been 19 years since 9/11. Last
year, I was fortunate to take my family to see One World Trade Center and the
9/11 memorial fountains, which are immense in their beauty and expression of the
collective grief of what happened that day.
I'm including the </span><a href="https://untappedcities.com/2016/05/11/the-top-10-secrets-of-the-911-memorial-in-nyc/4/?displayall=true"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">link</span></a><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"> to the 'top 10 secrets' about the memorial that are moving
(I especially connected with the story of the "Survivor Tree").<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">I can't help
but think of all the challenges that we're facing of late and circumstances
that we've encountered as we navigate this COVID-19 pandemic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">This is part of
why it’s been so difficult to keep up and record life on the blog—concerns
about health, safety for my family, then my staff at work, my friends scattered
like seeds on a breeze throughout the country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Parenting kids who were suddenly in virtual school, navigating telework
schedules because of no childcare and then spring turned into summer (and
summer break).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Disclosures of the girls’
father’s temper tantrums that escalated earlier this year and supporting my
youngest through it all...</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Navigating coparenting
with said ex-husband whose emails get bitchier and more accusatory as time goes
on (how is that possible, lol??), and managing the PTSD that comes up with
dealing with his negativity and nastiness. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My shields were just getting thinner and
thinner.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">And hubby
having his own breakthrough in therapy and realizing his issues about his
parent’s infidelity have everything to do with his (unfounded) insecurities
with me and my (healthy) friendships and (very limited, due to COVID) time away
from him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being on top of each other 100%
is insane, like some days I want to run back to my office, lol!</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">Protesting in
support of Black Lives Matter, and swimming upstream in my professional
organization, attempting to make meaningful change to systemic racism in the
workplace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Very fortunate that there
are allies and supportive folks in place, but how do you actually dismantle
racism? There’s no quick fix, so have my learning hat on and doing my best not
to f!# it up—listening and empathy is a key first step).</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">Being thankful
also to have a job and be employed when so many have lost their jobs…how lucky
we are to have financial support in terms of 401(k) plans and savings and
income…</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">Both girls have
now entered a new school year and how is it possible that I have a high
schooler in the house?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Omg!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Doing my best to give them space and also
always be there for them, so they know they’re loved, at the same time, putting
boundaries on sh*++y behavior, because who isn’t acting a little sh*++y given
the circumstances?</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Some days I
wake up ready to face the world and this pandemic and the political craziness
of my country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Other days, I want to
roll over and go back to bed.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Putting one
foot in front of the other has to be enough. It may not make up for the losses of 9/11 or the
suffering on this planet, but being alive is our gift of the present, even it's sheer luck we're here together.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>COVID-19 Coping
strategies that have helped:</b><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">Exercise—so key
for me: Yes, I’m one of those annoying people who work out almost every
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It improves my brain so much—I see
it as driving the clouds of depression away by the wave of my arm, or weights,
or running stride.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Surfing, when I can
dawn patrol before work, is just the best for combatting negativity and reminding
me that the world can still be beautiful).</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">COVID-Cocktail
time:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After work and before dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to restrict this to just the week end…lasted
about two weeks of the last five months, lol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Honestly one cocktail will do it, usually with the hubby and facetiming
with a friend before dinner—has been so much fun!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Sometimes, having a zoom cocktail hour, too.)</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">Staycation time
(kind of a miracle we were able to do this):<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>we were able to take the girls on a covid-19 staycation at a friend’s COVID-19
cleaned condo by the sea for a few days, we even brought a BFF for each of them
for an overnight, so they could have friend time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">Also, hubby and
I got a sweet sweet deal at a fancy resort hotel for a few nights, right by the
ocean.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything but the room and
housekeeping was closed, so it was like “glam camping,” we brought a cooler
full of snacks and drinks (they did refill the cooler for us every day), and
with the microwave, we basically hid away from COVID and relaxed and swam and
read books and had lots of quality time together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That will be the only time we do this until
he goes back to work full-time, but the deal was just so amazing and too good
to be true (half of what we’d pay under normal circumstances).</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Reading:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Been escaping by reading both light (<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/series/88876-lana-harvey-reapers-inc">Reapers,
Inc</a> series, urban fantasy young adult) and heavy books (<a href="https://www.robindiangelo.com/publications/">White Fragility</a>, hands
down a great explanation of structural racism—how it came to be, how it’s perpetuated…and
I hope on what we can do about it, but I’m only 50% through).</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif">Netflixing/Priming/Disney+:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A couple recent fun movies,<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1489887/"> Booksmart</a>, <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1563742/">Overboard</a> (<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093693/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2">remake</a>, which
apparently got terrible reviews, and while the beginning was shaky, I was charmed),
<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1298644/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1">The Hustle</a> (also
a remake--<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095031/">Dirty Rotten Scoundrels</a>),
and binging on Umbrella Academy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
second season of _The Boys_ is out, but Homelander is so awful, I don’t think I’ll
make it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And…if you want something to
truly escape and walk you down nostalgia lane, <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7221388/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1">Cobra Kai</a>!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cobra Kai started out on Youtube, then Netflix
picked it up—it basically picks up 20 years after the Karate Kid, and if you
make it through the first few (super short) episodes, you will be hooked!! (Again,
if you’re nostalgic for the 80s, lol, this is not fine art!)</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Meditation:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been using <a href="https://insighttimer.com/">Insight Timer</a>, an app that has free guided
meditations from everything to sleep to relax to connecting with your intuition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can choose your time frame (5, 10, 15,
etc<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>minutes) and filter by voice, background
music, and more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-32284096200962310142020-08-14T19:51:00.005-07:002020-08-18T15:40:34.450-07:00Survive, Live, Thrive Update<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">What I’ve been
doing since March:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Little sister
disclosed that her father’s temper scares her.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Little sister
disclosed how her father hurt her “this one time” when he threw a book at her
and left a ‘red mark.’</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Little sister
drew pictures of dad yelling at her because she spilled water. He has wings and a tail and she is crying.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Play therapist
says this does not rise to the level of reporting abuse.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Play therapist says
I do not want to have an overworked, underpaid social worker making decisions
about my family.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">We’ve created
code words for little sister to use. Let’s
say it’s watermelon</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">One watermelon
is dad hurts my feelings, two watermelons is that it’s really bad, three
watermelons is that I really need you to do something about it, mom. </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">L</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Little sister
says she feels relieved that it’s “not a secret anymore” and also makes us
promise not to tell him. </span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Play therapist
and I reinforce with little sister that dad’s decisions are about dad and they
are not her fault.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Over the summer
we meet regularly with the play therapist and little sister says she wants to
handle the watermelons by herself.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">I still check
in from time to time about watermelons though, she shares a few more stories and
another picture at play therapy. It’s a
picture of dad yelling at her and she’s standing there with a sad face, but in
her mind ‘bubble’ she’s thinking about playing with her friends. </span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">This has brought up a ton of PTSD for me and have been seeking therapy support to process it all and cope with the disclosures.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">I discover from
big sisters texting that dad called big sister a fucking asshole because she is
beating him at super smash bros. Great,
really great. She’s venting to her
friend but after all caps venting, she finishes with: okay, bye. </span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">I’m kind of
awed and impressed by all of the colorful language big sister used, at first
she used asterisks, like F*ck, but by the end, all words were in all cap and
spelled out.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Before extended
dad vacation, both sisters forgot prescription toothpaste that they need to use
per dentist’s orders and were scheduled to see the dentist the day after they returned. Ex refused to meet me for three days, so I
finally dropped it off at his house, per my attorney’s advice.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Ex yelled at in
the street: “You’re trespassing!” To which I responded, “The kids need to use
their toothpaste once a day, Bye!” And then got into my car, cried and drove
away.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Attorney told
me I could change the parenting time. I decide to pursue, at least to see what the options are, but do not want to re-litigate and will only move forward if there's a guarantee I can improve parenting time.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">After analyzing
details of the case, attorney realized it’s not a slam dunk.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Sort this out in therapy, but really, decided to be peace with
not seeking further litigation. Just glad
I have a badA$$ attorney who will defend me if the ex and his girlfriend with deep
pockets ever tries any litigation. (Best offense is a good defense).</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Hanging in
there as best as I can.</span></li></ul><p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst"><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><b>Good things I’ve
done during the pandemic</b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Learning about
big sister’s love for anime and marathon watching it with the girls.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Taking both of
the girls surfing for the first time—each on their own time, and seeing them
love it!</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Staycation
because no tourists in town and enjoying the peace and quiet and fun of family time
away from the house.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Walking our
doggie G every day for a mile.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Cooking little
sister breakfast every morning and sitting and eating breakie and lunch
together, because teleworking.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Linking
volunteer attorneys giving free legal advice to folks who are trying to access
the family court system and don’t have an attorney.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Surfing myself and
having an Instagram photographer capture a photo!</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Malgun Gothic"; mso-fareast-language: KO; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">Watching: The Last Kingdom and The Umbrella Academy on
Netflix for escape. (I didn’t realize
that I’d be so bloodthirsty in Last Kingdom, LOL!)</span></li></ul><p></p>Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-56102590294361228082020-04-16T18:09:00.002-07:002020-04-16T18:09:55.492-07:00COVID-19 Update
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiS9ycWqX3TMxGX0tYeUysGAW7F1lVQ6ghJ_emj0nMnQx8VG9VrTztXIt5D6subWhpQUA8wN7CuqAy_tW3fOv8qF2Y_9Btz8SUmWcPjV-4uHXc72MSTOcT-T8xmr1Et0vPMT1k7mKhxVL8/s1600/Easter+Eggs+2020.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1203" data-original-width="1511" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiS9ycWqX3TMxGX0tYeUysGAW7F1lVQ6ghJ_emj0nMnQx8VG9VrTztXIt5D6subWhpQUA8wN7CuqAy_tW3fOv8qF2Y_9Btz8SUmWcPjV-4uHXc72MSTOcT-T8xmr1Et0vPMT1k7mKhxVL8/s320/Easter+Eggs+2020.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Easter in the time of COVID-19</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Dear World,</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">We’re lucky to report that we are safe, healthy
and well in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. Girls have been remarkably
flexible and resilient with the distance learning initiatives, and we are on a
pretty regular routine with school work, down time, house chores, etc…—I’ve
even hosted three girl scout meetings, lol! </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Our dog G LOVES that we are home all the
time: she snoozes by me as I telework, prances about the house with the
girls in anticipation of and during our daily walks (at least a mile) through
the neighborhood, or "helping" little sister with her homework (aka
snuggling up to her while she's typing on her laptop).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Teenager big sis carrries on in her sometimes surly
and sometimes sweet way, her schooling continuing on, except it’s all done via
distance, so her daily class schedules and homework schedule/load have remained
the same. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like a wise friend told me: you
never know who’s going to wake up, the sweet 8 year old who loves to please,
the surly pre teen who’s struggling to make an identity with herself, the actual
teenager who is annoyed by the world and especially her mother…usually it’s a
mix.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One day she can’t stand going on a
walk with G, the next, she’s offering to ride little sister’s bicycle on the way
back—because it’s uphill all the way, lol.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Little sister definitely thrives on a routine,
and when she gets a little antsy or surly herself, a change of scenery (aka
walking G) is huge—the physical activity of walking/running in the fresh air
works a mini miracle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Too much screen
time, even for ‘learning’s’ sake, is still too much screen time for little kids.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">As for my
teleworking—it’s almost busier working remotely than in person!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Constant zoom meetings, phone meetings, daily
supervision with staff; my crowning achievement this week is finally get all
staff back on company computer equipment so we are streamlining our workflows,
instead of relying on a hodgepodge of personal devices, and in one case a lone mobile
device.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve had one pretty big win related
to work – reaching out remotely to help more than 100 times directly to folks in
the community in one week, and I’m super excited about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another initiative is developing, again
focusing on helping the public, so we shall see how that goes, crossing fingers
for some movement on that next week!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Easter came
and went—luckily the Easter bunny arrived at our house to much joy and fun, and
we colored eggs and also had an indoor easter egg hunt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My DDs participated in our church Easter
service via Zoom, where we had 61 participants, aww!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(And also where we waited with baited breath
to make sure of no zoom bombers, apparently good Friday had one—I wasn’t there,
but I heard about a naked butt, which unfortunately was NOT a cute butt by any
means, darn it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seriously though, we
locked down Easter with three hosts on the look out and instituted the waiting
room, but still, relief didn’t come until service was over…and it was lovely
seeing faces of all ages on our zoom, and the number of our seniors was
amazing!)</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">All in
all, we are carrying on as best as we can, social distancing, wearing masks in public,
and venturing out rarely…my now and then run to target is one of my biggest
joys, lol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been exercising
regularly which also helps with the stay at home craziness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">There has
been a breakthrough with my youngest in terms of expressing her feelings with
her father’s temper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She disclosed to me
and our family play therapist that his temper ‘scares’ her and all the
different ways it shows up…triggered by the smallest actions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m so sad and upset and weirdly unsurprised
that she has to deal with this, but what really broke my heart is that after
she shared with me, and then with our play therapist, she said:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>now it doesn’t have to be a secret anymore.</span><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Emoji",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol-ext; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: "Segoe UI Emoji";">☹</span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Emoji",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol-ext; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: "Segoe UI Emoji";">☹</span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI Emoji",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol-ext; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: "Segoe UI Emoji";">☹</span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;"> More on that later,
that is a post all into itself…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Lastly: I
have to acknowledge our good fortune and luck that we have a roof over our heads,
food to eat, enough toilet paper that we don’t have to worry, even though hubby
is temporarily furloughed due to the COVID-19 pandemic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know without a doubt that we will get
through this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hubby is actually getting
on my nerves, lol, I keep hinting that he get a hobby!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he’s also helping a lot with being a part
time teacher to little sister, doing some deep house cleaning and rearranging that
we always were going ‘to get to someday…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Again, we are thankful for our privilege.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Sending
out love and hugs and prayers to the victims of the pandemic, caregivers, and
all first responders and essential workers, especially our doctors and nurses
who are keeping us safe—so that I can be at home safe with my family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><3 br="" style="mso-special-character: line-break;">
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</3></span></div>
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<![endif]-->Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-42918905208636506342020-02-14T18:11:00.001-08:002020-02-14T18:11:06.569-08:00A love letter : to the divorced mom who is separated from her kids on a special day<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPnQMHeJLVHg2dO1k6aKnZCqhmBgJCvp9vSsIcJYax4StrJfaOOBkfz17Olv8mpNtuC15oQWHTzcQZ4rA1MFMxCz2DFMajdLQvi9RKWPcNLoh-SLfGZ6SKaIC7ijnN7GxsO5Xq2Xaizms6/s1600/love+letter.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="651" data-original-width="858" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPnQMHeJLVHg2dO1k6aKnZCqhmBgJCvp9vSsIcJYax4StrJfaOOBkfz17Olv8mpNtuC15oQWHTzcQZ4rA1MFMxCz2DFMajdLQvi9RKWPcNLoh-SLfGZ6SKaIC7ijnN7GxsO5Xq2Xaizms6/s320/love+letter.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m so sorry that you’re in pain and hurting and missing
your little ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know you’re trying
not to think about not seeing your baby girl who is turning ten right now, and
that you feel left out and sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know
in your head that it’s a good and positive thing she gets to have a birthday
party with her father and his new girlfriend, that it’s his new girlfriend’s
positive influence that is allowing this nice event to happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s okay that you’re upset about the “injustice”—that the
man who caused you so much pain and fear and continues to sow hurt and pain to
his <a href="http://survivelovethrive.blogspot.com/2019/11/thanksgiving-story-of-grandma-love-and.html">family</a>
is the same man who gets to be the “good and fun” dad who brings cupcakes to
school and throw parties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes it hurts
and yes it’s sad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s okay that you were crying, missing your baby because
ten years ago, you were in the hospital giving birth to her, after he had
driven your mom who was suffering with parkinson’s crazy with his no patience
and snappy outlook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s unfair you don’t
get to see her today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Your head knows that you are always their mother and in your
heart you know it too, it just hurts to be away from her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please be gentle with you, be kind and
compassionate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me hug you because I
know your pain and fears and sadness about being separated from your children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That you’re worried they will somehow forget
that you love them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It may not feel like it right now, but you will be okay, and
this situation will get better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your
daughter and her big sister are growing up, and the most important thing is that
they know they are loved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They always
feel your love and support, even when the cranky teenager is being cranky, and
even when energetic little sister is being extra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That at your house there are rules and there
is also room for mistakes, and there is always room for love and for
healing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s room for forgiveness
and trying new things and being lazy and being active.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For working hard at school or at girl scouts
and for relaxing playing with slime (sigh) or ipads (double sigh), and there is
always room for dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And hugging and
patting our dog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s room for
sharing complicated feelings, like when little one shared some feelings about how
dad’s girlfriend takes care of dad, you responded with love—that the most
important thing is that dad’s girlfriend is nice to you and that you like her. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At your house, there’s room for all the feelings,
happy, cranky, surly, silly, loving, laughter, kindness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They will grow up knowing this like the air
in our lungs, it’s just there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least,
that’s the hope, and it’s a pretty good hope.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So hugs for you for hanging in there, and doing what you can
to fill up the time while they’re away…keep working on your house and working
on healing and take time to exercise and get into the ocean and the sun and
spend time with your friends and loved ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They will be home before you know it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Little one asked if she could have a birthday party with you, because she
couldn’t invite all of her friends at dad’s, and so you will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And a new day will come and then the next one
with it, and they will be sleeping in their beds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They will be asking you to help with
homework, and wondering what’s for dinner, and if they can have nori for a
snack or if there’s anymore rice in the cooker or if they can have some bacon
for breakfast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They will come and go and
come and go and you know in your heart, your job is to always be there for
them, and that’s a job you know you can and always will do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My heart is full of love for you and for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are not alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">p.s. happy valentine’s day, sharing a little bit of love
from my heart to yours. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-61591154595133295082020-02-11T18:21:00.002-08:002020-02-11T18:21:36.470-08:00OwieSometimes the heart hurts because of all the pain in life and it's okay to sit down and say owie, owie, owie. <br />
<br />
There's a voice outside of my head that says this too will pass. It just can't be bypassed right now. <br />
<br />
We have to live in it.<br />
<br />
And it hurts.<br />
<br />
Owie owie owie. <br />
<br />
Love,<br />
Jane Thrive<br />
<br />
<br />Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-77089591897063678882020-02-04T13:19:00.002-08:002020-02-04T13:19:28.985-08:0002022020: Superwomen win the superbowl<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://media.nbcsandiego.com/2019/09/GettyImages-1203653033.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" height="213" src="https://media.nbcsandiego.com/2019/09/GettyImages-1203653033.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.3333px;"><a href="https://media.nbcsandiego.com/2019/09/GettyImages-1203653033.jpg?fit=5241%2C3494">Shakira and JLO</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">I
spent palindrome day catching smooth fun ocean waves and then catching up with
old girlfriends—one who’ve I known almost 23 years and another girlfriend whose
birthday just passed last month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
was my way of filling up my cup as I’ve been struggling with grief and the
girls were with their dad for the week end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was determined to do beautiful things and surround myself with love on
02022020, because apparently a palindrome day won’t happen again for 101 years,
and I won’t be around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Which, now that
I think about, any day won’t happen again ever…so…okay…cue the music to make
the most of your every day life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Umm…is
that inspiring or pressure-inducing, lol?)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Of
the Superbowl, I was able to catch the halftime show—a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pILCn6VO_RU">showstopper of a performance
by Shakira and JLO</a> and I was loving it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Two ladies being awesome, singing, dancing and entertaining, including
the kids and kicking ass, yes please.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
was actually perplexed by <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/music/2020/02/02/jennifer-lopez-shakira-super-bowl-show-praised-this-my-america/4642026002/">the
backlash</a>—my kids couldn’t watch it, there was a (gasp) stripper pole?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s what you took away from that amazing acrobatic performance?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did you miss the beautiful kids breaking free
from cages to sing born in the USA and a wink with the Puerto Rican Flag
morphing into the US flag?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kids were
great—in appropriate attire, and if the hot mamas were dancing salsa in fringe
and shaking it, isn’t that their right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Isn’t it also JLo’s right to use all that athleticism that she’s been
trained on to take on a movie role and morph that into one of her biggest
performances of her career?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s turn
stereotypes on their heads.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s have
two Latina women killing it on stage to a hundred million people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More please.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">By
the end of the day, Hubby and I found ourselves outside walking our puppy (not
a puppy anymore, she turned 5 last Friday) around our neighborhood, up against
a backdrop of beautiful green, rainforest mountains, and I breathed in how
lucky we are to be alive right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
have these momentary, little problems – hubby’s work stress, puppy taking a
dump and having to clean it up, a sore back from exercising in the ocean,
lol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt the distant drama, but will
give myself an A for making the most of my day off without the girls and all
the usual emotions that come with being away from them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">I
just want to close on this note—in my carpool on the way to school drop off
this morning, I heard the young teenager girls in the back seat singing along
to Taylor Swift’s _<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dkk9gvTmCXY">You
Need to Calm Down</a>_.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This made me
smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t remember growing up listening
to songs leading with lyrics like:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and I see you over there on the internet,
comparing all the girls who are killing it, but we figured you out, we all know
now, we all got crowns…<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">I
pray my girls will grow up strong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
they want to dance, dance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they want
to sing, sing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they want to be
themselves, they can just be themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yes, please.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-19374352384042104382020-01-27T16:04:00.002-08:002020-02-07T10:27:29.270-08:00Happy Lunar New Year: The Year of the Metal Rat<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy4Kl5c-Mlih3gLt1PpCRqPUOpwbO52dAgBkcIZoV_3A_GtNcjj38JjQs1Q1qIffsCEzrPDk6bYIQJFF-_nPYxmCIrlHLEcrehWiglhEFilXEauZO4x0YFJ58MYVX-lHJOz1-Bp-A88lon/s1600/flowers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1254" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy4Kl5c-Mlih3gLt1PpCRqPUOpwbO52dAgBkcIZoV_3A_GtNcjj38JjQs1Q1qIffsCEzrPDk6bYIQJFF-_nPYxmCIrlHLEcrehWiglhEFilXEauZO4x0YFJ58MYVX-lHJOz1-Bp-A88lon/s320/flowers.jpg" width="250" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The<a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/sarahkim/2020/01/25/2020-lunar-new-year/#455577803689">
lunar</a> new year of the metal rat 2020 is full of fortune and joy and rewards
ahead, you can look up your lunar zodiac sign and read more on what’s in store
for you <a href="https://chinesenewyear.net/zodiac/rat/">here</a>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">All of this lightheartedness at Survive, Live, Thrive
so far this new year season aside—I’ve been coping with some complicated
feelings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Last week was the anniversary of my mother’s passing, which
I think has brought up senses of grief, loss, depression.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which despite all of my careful planning and
caretaking of my daughters, may have something to do with why I feel like I
fell short or have failed somehow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It’s odd, because I had such great set plans for this past
week end—it just involved splitting my time between my two girls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Little sis was off school on Friday, so I got
to spend some quality time with her, we painted our toenails, had a ladies
lunch, then I let her play on her ipod while I got my annual mammogram (ye old
boob smash, lol), but this office gives out roses, so she got to pick one to
take home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We then went to pick up big
sister after school and did a little shopping for replacement school clothes,
and off to karate where lil sis had a great time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But at dinner afterwards, she had the mother
of all meltdowns so I grounded her from her electronic devices for
three days (and felt like the worst parent ever for letting her play on it in the first place)—thankfully big sis was on
point so didn’t have to worry about her, meaning at least I only had one meltdown to deal with rather than a double whammy...but off to bed to greet a new day, hopefully refreshed and rested.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Big sister had a super social overnight hotel event that we
were invited to, which included an outdoor banquet underneath a 40K dinner tent
(yes 40K!) full of amazing food, games and rides for the little kids, video
game stations for the tweens and teens, and lots of live music and fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She and her BFF had a deluxe sleepover in my
room (her parents were the ones who invited us, so let them have alone time
while the girls stayed up), and the next morning, we went horseback riding along
the ocean, which was pretty amazing, then lounged by the pool until it was time
to check out and go home--to homework, a Star Wars movie binge, yummy dinner
cooked by hubby, who had also done all the laundry and cleaned up the house
(bonus!!).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Meanwhile, I had sent little sister to her BFF’s for a
sleepover, as she had girl scout activities early Sunday morning and in the
afternoon, and I couldn’t be in two places at once, so I had to choose which
girl to do what…and I knew little sister would have a blast being with her BFF
for 24 hours!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Little sister reunited
with us for the Star Wars movie binge and cuddled with me practically all
afternoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also had brought back slime
from the party, which she loved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And yet…I couldn’t shake this nagging feeling like I’d done
something wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps I should have stayed
with little sister instead of taking big sister to her activities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, I wanted to see the big fancy event, but
I also think teens need their moms too, even if they are being crotchety, they just
need reminders of our presence and that we love them, too, despite the
crotchety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the same time, I wondered
if I missed out on little sister’s sports fair, where she got to play all
different kinds of sports with her pals and then go do crafts with her girl
scout sisters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Granted, had I been with little
sister, she likely would have been so busy with her pals, would she have even
noticed that I was there?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I tucked
her in last night, I gave her tons of smooshy hugs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked her if she was okay at the sports
event without me, and she said yeah, but I missed you mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Awwww…heart strings tugged.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I want to be a good mommy to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope it’s enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just feel so teary eyed about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so tired from driving home with big
sister yesterday afternoon, I greeted the hubby, then took a shower and had to
lie down for twenty minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t
want to wake up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was suddenly so tired
of all the responsibilities, of thinking through what I did, of making it
through to another day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I literally
wondered if I could just stay in a black hole of sleep for a while, I could
barely wake up to do the mundane mom things I needed to do—unpack, get some
laundry going, check on our to-do list for the week.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was just so tired of wondering if I was enough for the
girls—and also, I had just filled in my friend about the ex’s<a href="http://survivelovethrive.blogspot.com/2019/11/thanksgiving-story-of-grandma-love-and.html"> shenanigans being banned from his mom’s house and his interfering with her time with the girls</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How I was focusing on <a href="http://survivelovethrive.blogspot.com/2020/01/new-routes-in-new-year.html">2020 being distant from the drama</a>, even though I know it’s happening, but still, with it
all wrapped up in my life, it’s hard to disentangle and be at peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said she had updates for me too, about
his new girlfriend, but she didn’t go into it too much, and I weirdly thought
maybe she was holding back, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like I told her, I like the Ex’s new
girlfriend, she seems nice and bubbly and also clearly has her professional
life organized (i.e. first class tickets anyone?).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sisterhood in me is like:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Run!!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But then the other part of me who is so tired of his complaining is
like:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can you please take him with you
to where you live thousands of miles away?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>LOL.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There was another round of nitpicking emails that I dealt
with, this time by getting some attorney advice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sent a “I will no longer respond anymore
to this particular issue” email (a very dumb, tiny issue, but one that when I look
back over time must have received 20+ emails about, good grief).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And while I do have some distance like I’ve
committed to from last month, the energy to deal with him takes a toll, and
perhaps that’s rolled up in the depressive episode that I found myself in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Self care:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>instead of
running before dawn, I did some yoga.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
didn’t shake my doldrums and I felt like I was going to fall asleep at the
wheel on the way into work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But a kind
gesture from a friend re: my mom’s passing (see flowers above), and getting back into the ‘routine’
at work, helped me normalize, and so I’m hoping to go for a run tomorrow before
dawn will help shake out some of these nerves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The friend who gave me the flowers said to me—Jane, you’re so hard on
yourself, can you listen to how you’re talking?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>About how you’re so worried you’re a good mother and yet here you are
doing everything for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And being a
parent and a spouse and working at this job, and wanting to excel at everything
you do…you’re so hard on yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
teared up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It helped to be seen and to
be recognized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I may not be the best,
and it’s okay to struggle, and it helps to be seen and thought of in the
struggle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So carrying on…thinking of my mom and all that she went
through, and thinking of my daughters as they grow up and can only imagine what
they may go through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And just wanting to
be here for them and trying to figure out how to be kind to myself in the
process.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Maybe writing this all down is another way to be seen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see you, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are in this together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Okay year of the metal rat, I guess we can do this.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Love and hugs,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Jane Thrive<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-45553132097784188552020-01-15T17:48:00.000-08:002020-01-15T17:48:25.906-08:00Adulting break<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyZPUvVLro10L50gi5QW4bZRv47xhaaTYus5x6BdbroshroqKGsUnxdMv9NIImuEf79dpmLEMtemGQ13ot_e5AGrzPUzkkAO-TldaFg5b6YrzXNYJDhCjb5Ysf_-jebFX-sxP2PHqqq2Wu/s1600/adulting-stickers.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="350" data-original-width="750" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyZPUvVLro10L50gi5QW4bZRv47xhaaTYus5x6BdbroshroqKGsUnxdMv9NIImuEf79dpmLEMtemGQ13ot_e5AGrzPUzkkAO-TldaFg5b6YrzXNYJDhCjb5Ysf_-jebFX-sxP2PHqqq2Wu/s320/adulting-stickers.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://baileyand.co/adulting-stickers/">#adulting</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Adulting is the theme of 2020 so far—adulting with
relationships, work, parenting, and co-parenting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can do this adulting thing, although some recreational
breaks definitely help.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How to cope with a load of adulting:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take some laugh
breaks with your favorite someone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
could be spouse, sister, bff, coworker. A good cackle or belly laugh can do wonders! <3 o:p=""></3></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take a nap.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Read up on baby
yoda memes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Go for a run. (If
you don’t run, fill that blank with something physical…to get the blood going).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take 10 deep breaths.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reminisce about a
favorite memory—someone, or something, or somewhere…it’s like taking a mini
vacation with your mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">7.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if funds are
available, make a new memory, go for a mini break!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">8.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or cuddle up with
a book. (Another vacation for the mind).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">9.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take a bath.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">10.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eat your favorite
snack.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">11.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Drink an unexpected glass of
wine with a friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe four.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> (</span>Like I did last night, tee hee!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love and hugs! Would love to hear your adulting break ideas if you'd like to share! <3 font=""></3></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-52367845165182592802020-01-02T17:03:00.003-08:002020-01-02T17:03:36.580-08:00New Routes in the New Year<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrsOTZEW-xSDa1In2Sll33CxrWSPrM5ImtbLKN0egA984dA_O_pZzwrekkgW5QQSXYKyaVGELO9_YEYPx9ljV3nem7CWntCa2BvAiM2P1yZLkRcXVA0Vz-O6wUVIs1vYHsyu_hJKznhX3I/s1600/cookies+2019.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="921" data-original-width="1600" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrsOTZEW-xSDa1In2Sll33CxrWSPrM5ImtbLKN0egA984dA_O_pZzwrekkgW5QQSXYKyaVGELO9_YEYPx9ljV3nem7CWntCa2BvAiM2P1yZLkRcXVA0Vz-O6wUVIs1vYHsyu_hJKznhX3I/s320/cookies+2019.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH6HCUms4PSya2kyFQlFyNukVm0jeYocwkvH5IRzU2_n9wHdcXxxXd-qzXSMraBNvj04NMv7gsn-SsilKxe7wZE8Y1Oau4QIdFjE-vv6S5On2HIwZ_KKAG543PZ1g_eqS5n_Wo1YlQAmG_/s1600/pretzels+2019.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1142" data-original-width="1600" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH6HCUms4PSya2kyFQlFyNukVm0jeYocwkvH5IRzU2_n9wHdcXxxXd-qzXSMraBNvj04NMv7gsn-SsilKxe7wZE8Y1Oau4QIdFjE-vv6S5On2HIwZ_KKAG543PZ1g_eqS5n_Wo1YlQAmG_/s320/pretzels+2019.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Let’s do this 2020! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Looking back at the last few weeks of 2019, it’s been a
pretty awesome transition to the new year so far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My house filled up with love of family and
friends via various visits and sleepovers and holiday fun, cookies galore, bonus
fireworks ringing in the new year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My surly tween spending sweet time with her nana (hubby’s
mom) who was visiting, and little sister enjoying giggles and laughter with
nana, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lots of sleeping in and
napping and trips to the beach and watching movies and playing games and eating
all the holiday food.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">More news has come out from the ex’s brother about the ex’s shenanigans—which
feels strangely validating—but I’m doing my best to distance from the drama and
just enjoy my time on this earth, with my rapidly growing girls.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Emotional habits are hard to break, but I’ve noticed the
last couple of times that the girls have gone to their dad’s house, I haven’t
curled up into a little ball of worry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So maybe that’s my resolution this year—whether you make
them or not—and someone recently asked me if I do the resolution thing and my
answer was:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>if I have, I can’t remember?
(Is this a side effect of aging? LOL!!!!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But I do have a conscious thought and wish for this
year:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to let go of negative thought
patterns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To let go of negative
emotional reactive patterns.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To disrupt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want to disrupt the fear and anxiety that I’ve felt when
it comes to the ex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I’m going to hold
onto this peaceful distance that I’ve managed when it comes to him lately, and
when I feel my head going to the dark space of worry and fear re: how he treats
me and the girls, I’m going to disrupt that thought flow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And rise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Above it all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With everything I’ve got.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m not perfect at it, but I’ve done it a couple of times—it’s
like I’m at the top of a slide and instead of going down the usual familiar
path of worry and depressed thinking, I consciously choose to take the stairs,
taking deep breaths and remembering that I can straighten my crown and put my
best foot forward. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m seeing about applying this also to work, how to rise
above the pressures of being the perfect boss, colleague and coworker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The perfect wife, mother, sister, daughter, woman
in this world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m looking at how to disrupt these familiar chains of
thinking that have bogged me down for so long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m tired of the weight, the tunnel vision, the familiar drag, like I’m
swimming across a clear blue sea with a school of nets tied to my ankles.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What is that saying, for people who’ve lived through trauma
and abusive relationships?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We accept the
love we think we deserve--because the pain and the sadness and the anxiety and
the fear have become familiar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s what
we’re accustomed to, so anything that’s not fear or worry is unfamiliar and downright
scary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Healthy love and healthy
thinking, when it appears before us, is like putting a left handed glove on a
right hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn’t quite feel right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want it to feel right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m done with these old train tracks running over my heart
and mind and soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2020 is about making room for changes, making
room for different tracks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going to
give everything I have to disrupt these old routes and try something new.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hopefully, I’ll get to lay down new tracks, I
can feel the winds of change behind me, as I’ve worked to rise above the drama
for the last couple of weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here we go, 2020!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can’t
wait to see what happens next.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love and hugs,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jane Thrive</span></div>
Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-42800438052016694162019-12-19T18:02:00.003-08:002019-12-19T18:26:06.343-08:00What a Bright Time, It's the Right Time<br />
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<a href="https://bplusmovieblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/how-the-grinch-stole-christmas-54.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="800" height="200" src="https://bplusmovieblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/how-the-grinch-stole-christmas-54.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="https://bplusmovieblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/how-the-grinch-stole-christmas-54.png">Fahoo Fores Dahoo Dores</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">All
is quiet on the co-parenting front, dare I say, all is calm, and all is bright?* Yes, with an asterisk. LOL.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Tomorrow,
DD2 will be performing in her school winter songfest, and in the spirit of the
holiday season, I invited her only living grandmother who is estranged from the
girls' <a href="http://survivelovethrive.blogspot.com/2019/11/thanksgiving-story-of-grandma-love-and.html">dad</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also printed out and enlarged a picture I
took of her and the girls, bought a frame, and along with the Christmas goodies
we are going to bake next week, am planning to drop off to her with the girls
on Christmas Eve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">The
girls step-nana is also in town for the holiday season, so there’s lot of love
in our house this week!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m working one
more day and then taking next week off from work and can’t wait to hang out
with the fam and just do all my favorite holiday things:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>baking, gift wrapping, hosting the girls
great-cookie-baking-for-santa sleepover—three friends for DD1 have come over
for the past seven years and at least one for DD2 for the last few, watching
how the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966 cartoon version, please) and Mickey’s
Christmas Carol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then we pick a Christmas
feature movie to watch and then the girls settle into a long winter’s nap (likely
full of giggling and ipad/iphone games, lol, oh well).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll be sure to post pics of our baking
creations!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I
also convinced DD1 to speak at the Christmas Eve service—she’ll be narrating some
of the verses related to the birth of Baby Jesus, so adorable and cute, while
the little ones act out in the pageant!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I’m hoping that will be incentive for DD2 to dress up as an angel
with the other kids her age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They grow
up so fast—DD1 would just roll her eyes if I asked her if she was going dress
up as an angel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s hope DD2 can carry
it on for a while longer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Last
minute Christmas shopping/food list:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Confectioner’s
sugar (icing)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Food
coloring (icing)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Rolled
oats<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Brown
sugar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Sprinkles
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Mini
pretzels <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">That
white bark that melts (from Walmart) to dip pretzels<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Wax
paper<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">More
sprinkles<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Call
the butcher for rib roast cut, rib roasts go on sale on Sunday, yippee!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Frozen
green beans<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">French’s
onions<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Cream
of mushroom soup<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Stuffing
supplies: onion, bread cubes, butter<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Eggs<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Bacon<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">(because
who doesn’t need eggs and bacon on a Christmas morning while opening presents)?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">And
don’t forget the sprinkles!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Just
tucking in for the last stretch of holiday activity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I honestly love this time of year and all the
lights and the music and the songs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last
year I really struggled, likely because the Christmas week the girls were with
their dad, and also because the loss of my mom in early 2018 still hit so
hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still feel that grief but it’s
not paralyzing like it was before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
it’s fun to have family in the house all together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">My
Christmas wish is for peace and tranquility—amongst all the chaos going on in
the world, being still and letting the love shine through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I feel like we are so tiny, our
problems so small in this big giant world, that it’s good to take a deep breath
and remember that in the grand scheme of the universe, our troubles can and
will pass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be like water and let
ourselves flow on our path to healing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">*p.s.
after much back and forth with all the parties involved with our case—attorneys,
former attorneys, therapists, my trusted family and friends, I decided the best
course of action was to let the ex know that in the spirit of the holiday
season I had invited his mom to DD2’s school winter performance. I mentioned that
he may have heard that his mom came to a tennis match last month and the girls
enjoyed their afternoon with her and that I’m hoping to include her in the
future when it’s convenient for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
figure this is worded in a simple and kind way—and out of caution that he can’t
claim he didn’t know about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I
hold my breath and hope he doesn’t rage and take it out on DD2 or DD1 when they
are with him this week end. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s to a Christmas
wish that they are protected from his negativity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">p.p.s.
Despite all of this struggle and psychological ‘warfare’ for lack of a better
word that I live with, I came to an epiphany the other day—that while the
divorce outcome didn’t result in harsher measures to keep the girls “safer,” I realized
that in the end, it did ensure their safety in ways that I couldn’t have
imagined earlier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Because
he treasures his ‘face’ more than anything, he cannot physically hurt the
children (or me) anymore, because he would look bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The world is watching, and even if he’s
faking his father of the year face, at the very least, being forced to behave well
is what’s the most important, way more important, than ‘winning’ a case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He dare not lay a finger on them, as he knows
the world is watching.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I
just wish there was a way to help him regulate his emotions and psychological
manipulations, whether purposeful or a side effect of his own traumas and
injuries, they impact the girls (and me) in ways I wish they wouldn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">This
is why I had that * at the beginning of the post.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">----<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Okay,
back to the drawing board.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">As
the folks in Who-Ville say, welcome Christmas, come this way!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Christmas Day is in our grasp, so long as we
have hands to clasp.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-24008707292864188092019-12-04T13:46:00.001-08:002019-12-04T13:46:50.471-08:00It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://debsimonis.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Its-the-most-wonderful-time-of-the-year.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="444" data-original-width="800" height="177" src="https://debsimonis.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Its-the-most-wonderful-time-of-the-year.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
(<a href="https://debsimonis.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Its-the-most-wonderful-time-of-the-year.png">Most Wonderful</a>)</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">I
love the holiday season, I’m one of those silly, antler-headband wearing, Christmas
carol humming, skipping along oohing and aaahing at Christmas lights people,
running around with my Christmas cards and holiday packages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I haven’t even gotten to the baking part
of the season!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>LOL.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Anyway,
the ex does not disappoint with his passive aggressive emailing and texting
about the holiday schedule, or being a general pain in the butt whenever it’s possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought it couldn’t get worse than finding
out he’s keeping the <a href="http://survivelovethrive.blogspot.com/2019/11/thanksgiving-story-of-grandma-love-and.html">girls
from his mom</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He never fails to surprise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amidst the crazy conflict drama, an accidental
text stream appeared in my phone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Ex:
Morning my love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope you rest today
(heart emoji)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">(An
hour later)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Ex:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sorry wrong person<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Me—embracing
the spirit of the holidays:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Happy for
you, (Ex’s first name)!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Happy Thanksgiving
*smiley face*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Once
I hit send, I immediately thought, oh no, was that crazy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, oh well, too late anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>LOL.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
about choosing to be kind when you’re able to be, with no expectation about
response.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">*****<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">As
we come to a close of 2019 and gear up for 2020, I’m thinking of the things I’d
like to let go and the things that I will embrace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">I’d
like to let go of the knee-jerk anxiety that comes whenever I get a text or an
email from the Ex.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">I’d
like to let go of the social anxiety I sometimes feel when I’m at work or
dealing with family pressures.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">I’d
like to let go of the Ex and that he moves away with his long distance
girlfriend (tee hee).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">I’d
like to embrace peace and kindness and forgiveness—for myself and others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">I’d
like to embrace balance in my work and family responsibilities—that I can feel
confidence in the things that I know, and comfort that if I don’t know
something, I’ll figure out a solution or a way forward that is best for the
girls and for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">I’d
like to embrace the journey—that the moment to moment experiences aren’t something
I have to push through, get through, to ‘get to the other side’—that somehow
living those experiences are the point, and the ‘getting to the other side’ is
just a comforting stop on the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
the “happy endings” are really connections on the journey so that one day, we can
look back and see a beautiful pattern of love and learning and acceptance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">I
have a lot of embracing to do!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s do
our best. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Tis
the season!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">p.s.
<a href="https://www.popsugar.com/entertainment/baby-yoda-memes-46930500?stream_view=1#photo-46930703">baby yoda!</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-53396728308392531232019-11-25T13:04:00.000-08:002019-11-25T13:04:40.554-08:00Thanksgiving: A Story of Grandma Love (and the Ex who has a problem with it)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqx-rck41b00sueBuQ6KY0Rkby4uwVEVSXL2dmQBwUAv79DOIdr7pFfewDVJAyjjzgmkiCE6MvxLkbAzNYx-lkGS5hHPTGipn-EGBvrK1z2rVPLc2za2ye52rcnzLp0m5ZmRBiOPdUeir1/s1600/grandma.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="338" data-original-width="500" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqx-rck41b00sueBuQ6KY0Rkby4uwVEVSXL2dmQBwUAv79DOIdr7pFfewDVJAyjjzgmkiCE6MvxLkbAzNYx-lkGS5hHPTGipn-EGBvrK1z2rVPLc2za2ye52rcnzLp0m5ZmRBiOPdUeir1/s320/grandma.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.coolnsmart.com/grandmother_quotes/page/2/">(Grandma Love: credit)</a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">With
my mom passing in 2018, I was thinking more and more about the girls’
grandmother (ex husband’s mother) over the last year—grandma J was always very
nice to me and just loved the girls, but during the divorce she had to pick a
side, which I always understood.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I also
know she was troubled by my ex’s behavior, she shared with me a few times about
it, but he was a bully, and when the legal stuff came down, she stood by
him.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">After all, he was living with her
at the time and who knows what he was saying to her about me (my hunch, she’ll
take the kids and you’ll never see the girls).</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><br />
<br />
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Last
year, I heard through the grapevine that grandma had asked my ex to leave her home,
as the conflict between him and his older brother was too stressful for my
former mother in law (apparently this happened soon after my mom had passed
away).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Given my ex’s difficulty with
anger, this was not a surprise to me, but also weirdly validating that finally,
after all these years, grandma J was standing her ground and asking for a
peaceful house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That house had seen so
much anger and violence through the years with my ex’s father’s alcoholism and
anger outbursts before he passed in the late 90s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In hindsight, it’s clear how he inherited
them, and how his family dynamic was set in stone…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Over
the years, I’ve thought of Grandma J and the girls’ Uncle (he went on record
during the legal proceedings, stating that his brother had an anger problem and
he feared for the girls’ safety—the one person who said anything), and missed
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I understood they had to be
divided from me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the beginning of
post-divorce life, I tried to reach out for the girls’ sake, but the ex stepped
in, demanding how “dare” I contact his mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So instead, I did do small things—i.e. every Christmas, I wondered if
the treats that the girls made ever made it through to them when he lived
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last year, after I learned he moved
out, the girls and I made our own short visit to drop off home made cookies and
goodies at the holidays.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">And
when DD1 made her school tennis team last year, I called and had a nice chat
with Grandma about the girls; and once, when DD2 was sick, I asked Grandma to
watch her, when the Ex couldn’t (the rules say under certain conditions, I have
to ask him first), and that was so nice!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">So
after talking some more with my therapist this year, I decided that when DD1
made her tennis team again (yay, DD1!), I would call again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the beauty of this year’s tennis season—there’s
Saturday matches scheduled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That meant
if Grandma was open to it, I could invite her to come along with us and she
could watch her granddaughter play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
contacted both Grandma J and quietly asked DD1’s coaches if she would be
playing and they said yes!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So once all
was confirmed, the girls and I picked up grandma and off we went, to have a
wonderful afternoon together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I happened
to be on team snack duty, so after we dropped DD1 early for pre-match
practice,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>DD2, Grandma, and I went to
run errands and pick up snacks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">When
we returned, we unfortunately learned that DD1 *wasn’t* going to play—at the
other team’s request, they asked to keep our stronger players off the court, as
they were mostly beginners, so in the spirit of sportsmanship our coaches
agreed (which I think was good role modeling for the girls).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We spent the afternoon waiting for the rain
to come and go, grandma at least got to watch DD1 play an exhibition with her
teammate, then it was time to pass out snacks and then I took a picture of the
girls with their grandma, and we headed back home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">On
the way home, teenager DD1 actually said, “thank you for coming with us today,
grandma j” and DD2 chimed in, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
when we dropped her off, they gave her big hugs and as we drove away, DD2 was
hollering out the window:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I LOVE YOU
GRANDMA J!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Heart swoon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">We
were mere minutes away when Grandma called me, she had forgotten to give me a
card she said—so we circled back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
handed me a card and meanwhile little sister repeated her hugs and hollering
and off we went back to our day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
really happy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">And
then I opened the envelope---<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">A
letter from my ex’s older brother, who I had barely spoken to in 8 years—and my
jaw dropped and the tears just started streaming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are three takeaways from the letter:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">1<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
thanked me so much and was so happy about my including his mom on today’s
outing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">2<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His “ass
brother” won’t let his mom see the kids and it’s been like this for a long
time; she’s bought gifts for them and they have sat there for weeks, until she’s
accepted that he and the girls aren’t going to drop by and pick them up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And this situation is so hard on her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">3<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
hopes that I can include her in the future.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">My
heart about burst with sadness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew
my ex is vindictive, and I knew he could be this difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But to be so mean to keep our daughters from
having a relationship with their grandmother makes me cry so hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m getting teary just writing down these
words.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">But
I sat with the letter for a little while, and then I couldn’t keep it in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know what to do with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I shared it with my hubby, just because I was
so hurt about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I shared it with
my attorney, the girls play therapist, and with my therapist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I need a village to help me deal with
all the feelings this brought up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">-----<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Attorney:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is so SAD and MEAN, and she thinks I
should include both grandma and uncle for the holidays and into the
future!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Play Therapist:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, the rule is that anything that involves
the ex and the ex’s family should come from the girls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They know there is a price to defying him and
to ask the girls how important it is to have occasional contact with their
grandma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The thought of that defying
cost needs to be factored into anything that I decide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, if they want to have contact, to let
the Ex know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">My therapist:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The way the girls reacted showed that they
wanted Grandma with them and they are bonded with her, and that I did the right
thing to include her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The abusive Ex
shouldn’t dictate or keep the girls from having a relationship with their
grandma.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I did the right thing, but did
I?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Crying at the sadness of this
situation and also second guessing myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And then I think about how my mom loved spending time with the girls,
how she was here very year until her Parkinsons’ got so bad she couldn’t travel
(DD2’s first birthday party was her last visit).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then the ensuing years when we would
visit her, no matter how badly her Parkinsons affected her, she would plan
these fun schemes with the girls in mind—visiting Mammoth Cave, or roadtripping
to see family, or making sun prints with leaves and special paper outside of
her assisted living porch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She would
give anything to have more time with the girls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think she’s watching them from heaven, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Regarding the price:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that evening, I overheard the girls’ phone conversation
with their dad, who didn’t sound happy we included grandma j, prompting DD1 to
declare it was ‘weird.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when I followed
up with her afterwards, she said it *is* weird, I’m divorced from grandma’s
son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I responded, I understood it
seems weird… it’s just that grandma j is the nicest lady on the planet, and it’s
okay that grandma j and mom are nice to each other, and we are her family. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She grumbled a bit, but then we were off to a
dinner event with our friends, which turned out to be great fun (lots of
laughter and silliness ensued).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">I
did quietly share with two of my closer friends on the side at this dinner—who’ve
known about our situation for years and who’ve supported DD1 with our
complicated divorce situation, they reinforced that the girls absolutely need
to include grandma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And one mom said, so
what if it’s weird?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just tell her, hey,
what family *isn’t* weird these days?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>LOL.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">So
on the way home, I reinforced with the girls that their grandma is their
family, that i am their mom and also their family, and it’s ok that we are
friends . That I didn’t realize they didn’t see her too much, and it’s ok to
see her sometimes with mom, because she’s always been nice to me and I’ve been
nice to her, that I didn’t know what was up between her and dad, but she’s
still their grandma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>DD1 says it will
probably feel weird and I said it’s ok to be weird. That doesn’t mean we aren’t
family, and lots of families are weird. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they seemed to be okay with this, humming
and singing along to the music all the way home…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Conclusion-in-Progress</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish there was a how-to guide on how to
navigate this particular road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
guess I’m creating the map as I take in all this information.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m of the mind that someone needs to be the
adult in the room and facilitate a relationship between the girls and their
grandma, who is not getting any younger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She is seriously the nicest lady on the planet, so kind and generous,
and she seemed so thankful have this time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And Uncle’s letter just validated that need to be included.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">At
the same time, I feel more cautious, considering what the play therapist said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I vacillate between—outrage that he would be
so cruel to his mom and also deny the girls time with his mom, and then
worrying how this will impact the girls, grandma, and me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Deep down my intuition tells me to keep
finding small ways to include her, to keep the bridge open, the girls deserve
to have grandma in their lives, even just a little bit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">So
what is the price?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it too high for a
grandma to love her granddaughters, and for her granddaughters to love her
back?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish I knew better what to do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Having just watched Frozen 2 (along with a million dollars worth of other people, lol), I think at this point, since I don’t know the way, I’ll keep
choosing what I think is the next right thing to do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Happy
Thanksgiving.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">p.s.
I miss my mom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-81362622424817178292019-11-04T17:05:00.003-08:002019-11-04T17:05:52.131-08:00Let Peace Begin with Me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
(<a href="https://understandinghumandesign.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Fotolia_49109173_Subscription_Monthly_M.jpg">Peace</a>)</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First
of all—Happy belated Halloween!!! One of
my favorite holidays--I love the festivities of dressing up, traipsing through our
neighborhood with my girls and their BFFs, the laughter, the decorations (this
year, we saw a house transformed into Hogwarts, with Aragog hanging off the
garage and the flying car nestled on top of the tree in their yard)! Then,
there is “the great candy exchange” that follows when we’ve come home: the kids sprawling out on my living room
floor sorting through their candy and swapping with one another. (please give me the baby ruths!)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Secondly—with
the passing of Halloween comes the new season of Winter. (And the holidays! Let the holiday madness begin. I think I’ll work on our family holiday card
next…muuu hahahahahaha.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And
then third(ly), this season brings along my birthday which arrived in a mixed
bag of emotions. Leading up to the big
day, I was overcome with extreme emo sadness—sadness for the loss of my mom
last year, sadness for another year passing when thinking of my birth mom, as I
get older, the likelihood of connecting with her and any biological family
becomes slimmer. And then emo sadness
for how my kids are growing up with such a shitty divorce behind the
scenes. How I wish I could make it a different
situation for them, especially on the heels of last month’s stupid crap drama. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Seriously,
I was a big bag of sad. Boo-hooing and
having sad dreams and struggling just to get out of the bed some mornings. Getting older is not for the faint of heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But
when the actual day came, with lots of celebratory wishes, and kind gestures,
and lots of love and hugs from people I didn’t even expect, beautiful weather,
a special celebration with my kids and then with my hubby (at a fancy
restaurant, where I ate so much my stomach hurt, lol). And even today I was treated to a birthday
lunch and there’s another birthday girlfriend and daughters date coming up next
week end, and even a different group of girlfriends brunch date after that, and
I just realized that despite all my sadness and despite all my anxiety and
depression that I struggle through…this birthday thing is turning out okay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One
thing about being settled into middle age—and ironically, considering how I’ve
embraced exercising on the regular over the last couple of years—there’s
definitely more creaks and aches and physical pains. Dang it.
Le sigh!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Also,
regarding the sadness that caught up with me, I recognize it’s a combination of
grief of loss as well as over lost times.
I call this “Nostalgia to the Infinite Power,” where I long for the experiences
that have passed and stand so clearly in my memories, I miss the love and
laughter from many moons ago, and long for my people who’ve been flung far and
wide through time and space and age and life’s journeys, wishing they were near
me again. We didn’t know way back when, when
we were close and adventuring into each morning and afternoon and evening
together, that one day we would be separated as we are today. I love them and miss them so much!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And
that also makes me nostalgic for these moments shared today, with my people in
my present, who I’m sharing this mom journey and this kids in girl scouts
and/or sports and through school journey.
Breathing in and sitting still within these moments, even as I feel them
passing through my hands, my fingers, my heart, I have nostalgia as we move
from this moment to the next.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Driving
home yesterday with my girls nestled in the back seat, we dropped of DD1’s
bestie after spending a girls day with us from morning until dusk—and a random
song came on the radio, I can’t even remember what it was. But I heard DD1 humming along, and my heart
just felt like it would burst straight out of my chest. I just love them so much, my heart couldn’t
contain it. And later, I told them both how happy I was about our day spent
together, how mom’s heart was just bursting with love for them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">DD1,
kind of rolled her eyes and said ‘that’s nice’ in her teenage voice. LOL, as to be expected.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">DD2,
leaped into my arms for two gigantic hugs.
Awww.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And
then off went to bed. (Another night
passing by.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So
while I haven’t solved my anxiety and grief and sadness about the life I’ve
lived before, and while I’ve learned to cherish moments of love and happiness
in today’s world even as I recognize and accept the pain from yesterday, I
realized that I can be at peace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Maybe
it won’t last forever, but right now, I’m picking up my shards and glass and
placing them side by side and hoping for the best that peace can be in my
heart. Along side the love. That I can be the peace I wish to see in my
world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Happy
Fall into Winter and Happy Birthday to you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jane
Thrive<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5916126436692978523.post-43312023032618623762019-10-25T11:11:00.002-07:002019-10-25T11:11:19.872-07:00Winning and Losing and In Between<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I think I’m in
number 7 of the <a href="https://survivelovethrive.blogspot.com/2019/09/top-ten-coping-strategies-for-co.html">Top
Ten Tools on coping with coparenting stress</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yesterday I had a fried chicken and chili
plate, a most delicious combo!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I gave
into emotional eating, lol, oh well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I had written
the Top Ten post to help myself deal with some shenanigans from the Ex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had agreed to a time-sharing proposal (I asked
for one day, was giving him a week), but instead of focusing on the extra time
he would have, he nit-picked his way into feeling that somehow he was getting
the short end of the stick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently,
he was also going to be traveling, so then my offer turned into a 50/50 split
with our youngest daughter, and then he would have had an additional overnight
with our eldest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(The girls are on
different time-sharing when one is on a break from school and the other is not…does
anyone else need a glass of wine to keep up with the nitty gritty details of
our visitation schedule?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ugh).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was finally all worked out…we were on
course to sail through October…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">And then we
weren’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Ex decided it was all
unfair and he reneged on his agreement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So no exchange. In fact, he demanded additional overnights to make it ‘more
fair.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still scratch my head on the
fact that coming out even and/or ahead for him is not ‘fair.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(My hunch is that it came down to the fact he
didn’t want to give me the original one date that I had asked for…it would have
extended a mom’s week end over the winter break).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">So this is
where I put my firm pants on and decided that I was tired of being pushed
around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our decree states that if either
parent is traveling and cannot be with the children, the other parent has right
of first refusal (ROFR) to watch them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It doesn’t state anything about ‘make up’ time for time that is then
lost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Out of courtesy, over the last eight
years, we have worked out exchanges for week ends here and there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I’ve had to travel for work, he has
actually come out ahead, as I always just asked for the week end missed, and
let the mom weekdays go (so again, he’s come out ‘ahead’ if we want to get to
the nitty gritty).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has only recently
started traveling for work in the last year or so…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Anyway, this is
the first time in eight years that he walked back on an exchange agreement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was angry at myself later, because I found
out I could have held him to our original agreement, but he was so bullish and
aggressive about it, I let the dates go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">In the
end:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I let him know that we will no
longer deviate from the parenting schedule, that when he travels, I’ll watch
the kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I ever travel (which I
likely won’t on dad days for some time), then he will watch the kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s mad that he didn’t get any ‘extra’ days,
but oh well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m done trying to
negotiate with a bully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Mind you, I did
travel for a couple of nights already, so it will all come out even at some
point, so whatever).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had some more
words about how he’s entitled to more ‘make up’ nights, but the answer is:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it’s not in the decree, so no.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I’m sad—because
I had something wonderful and magical planned for the girls over the holiday
break, but then I transformed that into a win as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hubby’s mom can come out and visit and we
will just spend our time with her—she adores the girls so that will be nice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Sometimes, you
just have to stand tall to a bully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Maybe you don’t get a ‘win’ all the time, but at least you get to hold
onto your self-respect and can safely say that you are standing in your truth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Love and hugs,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Jane Thrive<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />Jane Thrivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06937944153368197294noreply@blogger.com2