Happy Solstice, 2022!

Summer solstice image credit

It is the longest day of the year for us northern hemisphere folks and normally, I’d be a pretty happy camper—thinking of all the summer-y things we can do.  To be honest, the summer of 2022 has been a doozy, so here is my struggle list.

One good thing though—since my last emo post about raising a teenage daughter, that very same teenager has done a complete 180.  After returning from her summer vacay with her dad, she has been kind, thoughtful, helpful (did four, yes, i said FOUR loads of laundry) and interacting.  I am in a state of shock and awe, but also extreme thankfulness, too.  Holding my breath so I don’t somehow jinx this amazing and wonderful situation!  Pray for me!! :D (She is truly growing into a thoughtful, smart, funny human being who cares about people and I am grateful.)

Surviving Solstice struggle list:

1. Emotional paralysis after living with 2 years+ pandemic working and caretaking.
2. Physical weakness due to item number 1: i.e. less energy to do the exercising, etc. (I am recovering from surgery still yet...)
3. Recovering from surgery. 
4. Testing myself due to COVID exposures; wondering when will I get COVID, or when will family member get COVID again?
5. Mid-life crisis-ing:  waking up each morning thinking, what is the point of getting out of bed, when so many people are a-holes.  (See last post).
6. When the hubby gets his man-period, then I have three tweens/teens in the house and I want to pull my hair out.

 

Surviving Solstice coping list:

1. Be gentle with you-emotionally and physically, you can only do what you can do.
2. Tell someone you love them.
3. Cry.
4. Call someone you love and trust and take a moment to connect.
5. Make stupid, venting jokes about a-hole people.
6. Do something physically active (limited if cannot get out of bed, but then if you get out of bed, celebrate that small miracle for what it is!)
7. Take a bath.
8. Vege out to k-dramas or tiktok videos or Stranger Things 4.
9. Therapy. 
10. Breathe - meditative breathing, or try the free insight timer app.
11. Nature - get outside, even for a few minutes, and listen to the wind.

When I see this list, I see many privileges and abilities.  And at the same time, I recognize that living is just f%*(ing hard. 

So letʻs do our best to stay in the moment and hope that we can come together and help each other along. 

And talk to yourself like you talk to someone you love.  I love you.

Love,

Jane Thrive

Current Vibe: BLM, Women's Rights (RBG forever), He Got COVID and we survived

Dear World,

I dropped off the face of the planet for the last two years, completely overwhelmed.

I hope to reconnect through the blogosphere once again.  The world has gone extremely nuts since the pandemic so let’s give a quick update, and then I hope to come back to regularly scheduled programming.  <3

• Hubby and I marched in the BLM 2020 summer protest held locally (with masks on) and still stand in solidarity against systemic racism.  Clearly, more work needs to be done, considering the f!@#$ racist mass shooting in Buffalo.

• I have marched in two protests relating to reproductive health rights for women, once because of the Texan (aka the Republic of Gilead) draconian law that they managed to pass, limiting abortions at six weeks (when most folks don’t even know they are pregnant) and also giving private citizens the right to sue anyone who is seeking or provides a legal and safe abortion for up to $10,000.  (How about giving folks $10,000 worth of healthcare/prenatal/postnatal/early education support?)  The second, a couple of days ago, in response to the US Supreme Court leaked draft opinion that looks to overturn Roe v. Wade and turn the clock back on 50 years of women’s legally protected constitutional right to healthcare.  For more action on this, please see RiseUp4AbortoinRights.  These initial protests are just the beginning.  P.s. at our particular protest, there were folks who graduated high school in 1972, sharing very vivid memories of what they experienced before abortion was legal.  And young women half my age taking on this battle, sharing their expressions of leadership and action—they inspired my heart!  I’ve been protesting since the 1992 March on Washington, and 30+ years later, can’t believe I still have to protest for this $hizzle.

• Hubby contracted and recovered from COVID-19.  TWICE.  Miraculously, he was okay, and none of us caught it.  He is fine, we are fine.  (Wait, are we really fine?) While the US has surpassed the 1 million mark for COVID-19 deaths, I think maybe not.  And our hearts are with the families and loved ones of those lost.

• I have been self-medicating with funny animal, cooking, and dancing Tiktok videos and am weirdly inspired by young people just a little bit older than my daughters, speaking out and sounding the alarm against climate change, systemic racism, and the draft opinion rolling back women’s rights.

• I broke my foot (healed) in a freak accident and am recovering from shoulder surgery (healing).  While mobility is limited, I am able to resume work.

• Most importantly, the kids are all right, as best that can be expected, but more soon on the state of their access to their last living grandmother (due to their father’s fighting), which makes me sad.  Learning to let go of the things that I can’t control, and coming to terms with supporting my girls.  While I know what the ‘right’ thing is (support them in having regular visits with their grandma), I have to accept that my role is to remove the bind from them—they love grandma with all their hearts, but they also know they pay a price if they see her with me :(.  The saddest of all of this is she is suffering from memory loss, and soon it will be too late.  :(

• In spite of all this crazy nutso shizzle, it has not been all doom and gloom over here…life finds a way.  I hope to share some of the amazing supportive resources that have helped me get through some of the hardest times in my life these past two years.  Here is one:  Oprah Winfrey’s Super Soul Sundays podcast.  Specifically, her interviews with Dr. Brené Brown, about how being vulnerable is our greatest strength in finding courage to lift one another up in meaningful connection.  <3  (There are four interviews with Oprah, two focusing on “Atlas of the Heart,” and two on “Daring Greatly”)  And bonus resources:  Dr. Brown’s HBO Max 5 episode series focusing on her research on Atlas of the Heart and her amazing site that links to her own podcasts. <3

• Keep on keeping on!  Breath, survive. And thrive. <3

Love and hugs,

Jane Thrive

October - COVID, Halloween, and School

 

First, the best overview of a presidential debate ever in history comes from Weird Al Yankovic.  Please watch and weep with laughter. 

Secondly, 45 has COVID and FLOTUS does as well, and the internet is exploding with memes.  I think many are struggling with the satisfaction that the karma train has rolled into the station, and the terribleness of feeling that satisfaction for when someone has contracted a deadly disease.

Thirdly, I’ve started a 50 mile walk/run challenge for October—that means if I walk/run 50 miles by 10/31/2020, then I’ll get a medal and also a tank top, lol. This is for my health and anxiety, I honestly think that getting meaningful exercise is helping me stay sane, but the medal will be a nice bonus. Ha ha ha! 

Fourthly, because trick-or-treating will be out of the question this year, I’m going to take the girls on a horseback ride and we’re going to plant a tree—it’s a combo horseback riding, plant a tree private tour situation and what a great way to help the environment, support a local farm/business, and do something fun with the family.  (insert heart emoji)

Fifthly, the kids are all right with this back to school situation.  Little sis is virtual throughout the fall, big sis is back on campus, but with PPE out the wazoo, a health monitoring app every morning, and social distancing to the nth degree, so I’m not actually concerned.  Will see how it all pans out with the regular flu season upon us, but we're pretty happy.  Also big sis got an award for her high gpa from 2019-2020, and we are so proud of her!  In teenage fashion, her reaction was:  meh.

LOL. 

Stay safe and healthy!

 

Love,

Jane Thrive

Remembering 9/11, the path I’ve been walking, and some COVID coping…

9/11 Memorial fountain

I can't believe it's been 19 years since 9/11.  Last year, I was fortunate to take my family to see One World Trade Center and the 9/11 memorial fountains, which are immense in their beauty and expression of the collective grief of what happened that day.  I'm including the link to the 'top 10 secrets' about the memorial that are moving (I especially connected with the story of the "Survivor Tree").

I can't help but think of all the challenges that we're facing of late and circumstances that we've encountered as we navigate this COVID-19 pandemic.  

This is part of why it’s been so difficult to keep up and record life on the blog—concerns about health, safety for my family, then my staff at work, my friends scattered like seeds on a breeze throughout the country.  Parenting kids who were suddenly in virtual school, navigating telework schedules because of no childcare and then spring turned into summer (and summer break).  Disclosures of the girls’ father’s temper tantrums that escalated earlier this year and supporting my youngest through it all...

Navigating coparenting with said ex-husband whose emails get bitchier and more accusatory as time goes on (how is that possible, lol??), and managing the PTSD that comes up with dealing with his negativity and nastiness.  My shields were just getting thinner and thinner.

And hubby having his own breakthrough in therapy and realizing his issues about his parent’s infidelity have everything to do with his (unfounded) insecurities with me and my (healthy) friendships and (very limited, due to COVID) time away from him.  Being on top of each other 100% is insane, like some days I want to run back to my office, lol!

Protesting in support of Black Lives Matter, and swimming upstream in my professional organization, attempting to make meaningful change to systemic racism in the workplace.  (Very fortunate that there are allies and supportive folks in place, but how do you actually dismantle racism? There’s no quick fix, so have my learning hat on and doing my best not to f!# it up—listening and empathy is a key first step). 

Being thankful also to have a job and be employed when so many have lost their jobs…how lucky we are to have financial support in terms of 401(k) plans and savings and income… 

Both girls have now entered a new school year and how is it possible that I have a high schooler in the house?  Omg!!  Doing my best to give them space and also always be there for them, so they know they’re loved, at the same time, putting boundaries on sh*++y behavior, because who isn’t acting a little sh*++y given the circumstances? 

Some days I wake up ready to face the world and this pandemic and the political craziness of my country.  Other days, I want to roll over and go back to bed.

Putting one foot in front of the other has to be enough.  It may not make up for the losses of 9/11 or the suffering on this planet, but being alive is our gift of the present, even it's sheer luck we're here together.

COVID-19 Coping strategies that have helped:

Exercise—so key for me:  Yes, I’m one of those annoying people who work out almost every day.  It improves my brain so much—I see it as driving the clouds of depression away by the wave of my arm, or weights, or running stride.  (Surfing, when I can dawn patrol before work, is just the best for combatting negativity and reminding me that the world can still be beautiful). 

COVID-Cocktail time:  After work and before dinner.  I tried to restrict this to just the week end…lasted about two weeks of the last five months, lol.  Honestly one cocktail will do it, usually with the hubby and facetiming with a friend before dinner—has been so much fun!  (Sometimes, having a zoom cocktail hour, too.) 

Staycation time (kind of a miracle we were able to do this):  we were able to take the girls on a covid-19 staycation at a friend’s COVID-19 cleaned condo by the sea for a few days, we even brought a BFF for each of them for an overnight, so they could have friend time.  

Also, hubby and I got a sweet sweet deal at a fancy resort hotel for a few nights, right by the ocean.  Everything but the room and housekeeping was closed, so it was like “glam camping,” we brought a cooler full of snacks and drinks (they did refill the cooler for us every day), and with the microwave, we basically hid away from COVID and relaxed and swam and read books and had lots of quality time together.  That will be the only time we do this until he goes back to work full-time, but the deal was just so amazing and too good to be true (half of what we’d pay under normal circumstances). 

Reading:  Been escaping by reading both light (Reapers, Inc series, urban fantasy young adult) and heavy books (White Fragility, hands down a great explanation of structural racism—how it came to be, how it’s perpetuated…and I hope on what we can do about it, but I’m only 50% through).

Netflixing/Priming/Disney+:  A couple recent fun movies, Booksmart, Overboard (remake, which apparently got terrible reviews, and while the beginning was shaky, I was charmed), The Hustle (also a remake--Dirty Rotten Scoundrels), and binging on Umbrella Academy.  The second season of _The Boys_ is out, but Homelander is so awful, I don’t think I’ll make it.  And…if you want something to truly escape and walk you down nostalgia lane, Cobra Kai!  Cobra Kai started out on Youtube, then Netflix picked it up—it basically picks up 20 years after the Karate Kid, and if you make it through the first few (super short) episodes, you will be hooked!! (Again, if you’re nostalgic for the 80s, lol, this is not fine art!) 

Meditation:  I’ve been using Insight Timer, an app that has free guided meditations from everything to sleep to relax to connecting with your intuition.  You can choose your time frame (5, 10, 15, etc  minutes) and filter by voice, background music, and more. 

COVID-19 Update

Easter in the time of COVID-19

Dear World,

We’re lucky to report that we are safe, healthy and well in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic.  Girls have been remarkably flexible and resilient with the distance learning initiatives, and we are on a pretty regular routine with school work, down time, house chores, etc…—I’ve even hosted three girl scout meetings, lol! 

Our dog G LOVES that we are home all the time:  she snoozes by me as I telework, prances about the house with the girls in anticipation of and during our daily walks (at least a mile) through the neighborhood, or "helping" little sister with her homework (aka snuggling up to her while she's typing on her laptop). 

Teenager big sis carrries on in her sometimes surly and sometimes sweet way, her schooling continuing on, except it’s all done via distance, so her daily class schedules and homework schedule/load have remained the same.  Like a wise friend told me: you never know who’s going to wake up, the sweet 8 year old who loves to please, the surly pre teen who’s struggling to make an identity with herself, the actual teenager who is annoyed by the world and especially her mother…usually it’s a mix.  One day she can’t stand going on a walk with G, the next, she’s offering to ride little sister’s bicycle on the way back—because it’s uphill all the way, lol.

Little sister definitely thrives on a routine, and when she gets a little antsy or surly herself, a change of scenery (aka walking G) is huge—the physical activity of walking/running in the fresh air works a mini miracle.  Too much screen time, even for ‘learning’s’ sake, is still too much screen time for little kids.

As for my teleworking—it’s almost busier working remotely than in person!  Constant zoom meetings, phone meetings, daily supervision with staff; my crowning achievement this week is finally get all staff back on company computer equipment so we are streamlining our workflows, instead of relying on a hodgepodge of personal devices, and in one case a lone mobile device.  I’ve had one pretty big win related to work – reaching out remotely to help more than 100 times directly to folks in the community in one week, and I’m super excited about that.  Another initiative is developing, again focusing on helping the public, so we shall see how that goes, crossing fingers for some movement on that next week!

Easter came and went—luckily the Easter bunny arrived at our house to much joy and fun, and we colored eggs and also had an indoor easter egg hunt.  My DDs participated in our church Easter service via Zoom, where we had 61 participants, aww!!!  (And also where we waited with baited breath to make sure of no zoom bombers, apparently good Friday had one—I wasn’t there, but I heard about a naked butt, which unfortunately was NOT a cute butt by any means, darn it!  Seriously though, we locked down Easter with three hosts on the look out and instituted the waiting room, but still, relief didn’t come until service was over…and it was lovely seeing faces of all ages on our zoom, and the number of our seniors was amazing!)

All in all, we are carrying on as best as we can, social distancing, wearing masks in public, and venturing out rarely…my now and then run to target is one of my biggest joys, lol.  I’ve been exercising regularly which also helps with the stay at home craziness.

There has been a breakthrough with my youngest in terms of expressing her feelings with her father’s temper.  She disclosed to me and our family play therapist that his temper ‘scares’ her and all the different ways it shows up…triggered by the smallest actions.  I’m so sad and upset and weirdly unsurprised that she has to deal with this, but what really broke my heart is that after she shared with me, and then with our play therapist, she said:  now it doesn’t have to be a secret anymore.☹  ☹ ☹ More on that later, that is a post all into itself…

Lastly: I have to acknowledge our good fortune and luck that we have a roof over our heads, food to eat, enough toilet paper that we don’t have to worry, even though hubby is temporarily furloughed due to the COVID-19 pandemic.  I know without a doubt that we will get through this.  Hubby is actually getting on my nerves, lol, I keep hinting that he get a hobby!  But he’s also helping a lot with being a part time teacher to little sister, doing some deep house cleaning and rearranging that we always were going ‘to get to someday…”  Again, we are thankful for our privilege.

Sending out love and hugs and prayers to the victims of the pandemic, caregivers, and all first responders and essential workers, especially our doctors and nurses who are keeping us safe—so that I can be at home safe with my family.  <3 br="" style="mso-special-character: line-break;">