i remember thinking, 'if i love him enough,' 'if only i could show him a different way to love and be loved,' 'if only i could be more understanding,' 'if only i hadn't...'
these were not stereotypical statements or made from a textbook t.v. afterschool special. these were sincere thoughts and feelings of when you love someone with all of your heart, you want to believe in the good in them and yourself.
only later, do we come to realize what price that is. i wish for the women out there in the world to be able to see that they can still have a capacity to love and empathize with people in the world who are hurting, but they cannot save them. that it is not their responsibility to save them. that their responsibility is to protect their hearts, and to love and be loved in ways that love themselves into a state of survival. that what they think is 'love' and 'understanding'--in the face of violence, is not love at all--it is simply a cycle of behavior and attachment, an illusion of love, and with all my heart i wish for them to move past it, so they can one day embrace a life full of joy and happiness that they deserve. that all of us deserve.
i am thankful that i have a new life free from violence and abuse.