I love my husband with all of my heart. We dated for a year before we got engaged. The girls adore him.
When he moved in this past April, I expected some 'transition' issues,
but I had no idea the extent. He was very angry about how the ex
treated (and treats) us, and that's understandable. He made demands
that the ex cannot drop the children off at our home, which I thought
was fine, set up a boundary, we have a third party drop off spot, for the absolute rare occasions the exchanges do not happen at school.
So...it turns out hubby can't stand where we live, and i also understand
that, because it's where we lived when I was married to my ex. At the
same time, I love my home, I'm so proud to have survived and made it
"our own"--and truthfully, i've lived there twice as long as when the ex
was there. but when I say, okay, let's move, he wants to move to
another town altogether, and that would make my commute absolutely
horrendous--because i couldn't change schools without it being a major
pain in the arse, unless the girls get into a hugely expensive private
school, which we would have to pay for because you know who would not
pay a dime. but part of me is concerned--there was never any illusion
about where we would live--i understood wanting to 'start over,' and supported moving out, but he
hates the town--which i disagree with, it's a beautiful little town.
property value here is high, so investing would be a smart investment. it's safe, the kids love it, DD1 loves her school...
so, he feels 'trapped' and again, i understand, but I don't know what to
do about it. i can't change how he feels, and he refuses to try
couples counseling. I guess i'm flabbergasted in a way--i've always
been absolutely transparent about the complexities of our life, and
dealing with my nasty ex--the best offense is a great defense (which is
to disengage). He has gotten better about dealing with the ex.
I just don't know what to do. we have these nasty blow ups, and it's
very stressful. he wasn't like this before he moved in, and i thought
we would work through it, but this latest blow out, it just makes me so
tired and stressed. i can't concentrate on work, i can't concentrate on
being with my kids. it's just...i don't know what to do. it's not
like i hid ANY of the warts of what it would be like living with us, but
maybe he just didn't believe me, or thought he would be able to change
if anyone could give me advice on blending families, i'd really appreciate it.