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I got this wonderful idea to review my "2015" blog year from the wonderful Lisa Thomson. She's one of the reasons that I think blogosphere can be healing—we’ve connected through writing, and I continue to be inspired by her story from healing after a complicated divorce.
So here goes!
In January, I was "contemplating" the end of the co-parenting compromise road. My ex was being contentious when it came to his obligations in supporting the girls with their extracurricular activities and medical copays—I see it now in hindsight as his means to ‘control’ a situation, intentionally or not. But after two years of cherry picking what he’d support and/or pay for (including medical bills), I’d had enough, especially because DD2’s schooling was being called into question.
So while I was dealing with potential litigation relating to child support, education, and the extracurriculars, I had an opportunity with DivorcedMoms.com to write about “I saw the red flags, but I married him anyway.” Writing that article was a therapeutic trip down memory lane, to consider how far I’ve come from the person I was before. I did believe in the good in my Ex, and I did believe in the powerful transformation that loving someone can bring. But I learned the hard way that “love” cannot “fix” someone who cannot or does not want to solve their innermost challenges. Our “love” is not responsible for someone else’s anger problems.
In March I took a break from mulling over co-parenting challenges and celebrated our new family member, G. G came to us a 10 lbs 6 week old puppy and is now 45 lbs. She is, technically, bigger than DD2!
In April, I was still worried about DD2 transitioning into Kindergarten (hence the private school fight with the ex), but I also came down with a rip-roaring case of the stomach flu. Hubby took such thoughtful and careful care of me and the girls—it was a great reminder as to how I can count on him to save the day.
Then in May, the issues with the Ex were exploding to the surface, and I had to write about the CS modification and the next court battles, which thankfully ended up settling, but not before a helluva crap pile of PTSD stress and turmoil.
Onward to June, when the United States Supreme Court legalized gay marriage and I was so super happy to take a moment out of my absorbed co-parenting challenged life, and celebrate that Love is Love. And that Love really does win in the end. (it just can’t fix people with anger problems!)
In July, my DD1 shoved me square into the ringer, asking me what SEX is all about—wow, my first sex talk! And p.s. she’s since asked a bunch more questions, which I think is good that the communication channel is open and she feels safe enough to discuss these things with me. Basically, she still thinks it sounds GROSS, but she is understanding the physical fundamentals and most importantly, HER body is HER body.
In August, I reflected on the anniversary of when my ex husband left—and while he threatened that I’d really “miss what I do around here,” I found out that while I was sad about the end of our marriage, I was glad that he wasn’t doing what he used to do around here.
In September, I was happy about the fact that my kids were settled into their new school year (especially DD2, who started kindergarten at a school of which there was much conflict about during the summer), and everyone seemed to be doing well. But the Exie through some new curve balls at me with insisting on assisting the girls with their baths and making subtle accusations about my Hubby having nefarious motives when it came to bath time. Ugh.
This conflict bled into October, when I made special arrangements to vacation with my bestie and her family with the girls, because god forbid, I do anything fun with them that doesn’t involve the Ex! But fun we did manage to have, and I’m so thankful for that.
There was more co-parenting (or should I say parallel-parenting?) kerfuffle in November, which is a constant reminder that I can’t control what is said or done at Dad’s house, and my job is to support the girls when it comes to dealing with their dad. Also, to remember that it’s important to do the best that I can, and that no one is perfect—what matters is taking ownership of our mistakes and trying to do better next time.
I also mulled over and discussed my opinion on the Syrian refugee crisis, which was picked up by Blogher, and which received some interesting comments. I still feel strongly that we should help people in need and not give into fear…but I realize other people feel differently than me…
Which leads us to December—the holiday season. We had visitors for Thanksgiving, we’ve baked our little hearts out for our teachers and loved ones, we are in the full holiday swing and school is now out for winter break. Our house is ready for DD1’s besties to come over and bake cookies for Santa and have a sleepover, we have plans with all of our pals, and Christmas eve, my daughters and I and hubby will be celebrating at a candlelight service at church—my girls possibly angels in the nativity, we’ll see if they end up dressing up.
Today there was another kerfuffle regarding DD2’s pick up from school and some nice accusatory texts given to me from the Ex. I guess it was an early Christmas present! But these annoyances are just annoyances. They don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
I am so thankful to be where I am at the end of this year. Our blended family has gone through a ton of growth spurts and challenges, and still goes through them, but my heart and mind are open for the changes, embracing the healing, hoping for peace and love and goodwill towards humanity.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year!