Thursday, January 14, 2016

Dinner time

Image credit <here>

At our last play therapy visit, in the midst of playing dress up and cashier and musical instruments, I brought up our new plan on how to handle the phone calls—with the girls getting text messages back from me instead of talking.  DD1 expressed that she liked the system, and when the therapist asked her if she thought it could work with their dad, she immediately said, “no!”  As to why? “Because daddy doesn’t like to do what mommy does.”   

(I suppose that could be a post all in it of itself!) 

So then the therapist asked DD1 about how DD1 handles phone calls with her dad, and DD1 said that she likes talking to him, most of the time, but sometimes, he talks too long.  So then DD1 said she asks for it to be a “short call.” And when the play therapist wondered how that went, DD1 said he keeps talking, and when the play therapist asked her how does that make DD1 feel, she said, “it’s annoying!” Then DD1 said she wasn’t comfortable talking about it—I got the sense that she thought she was saying something bad or wrong about her dad. 

And the play therapist smoothly said, well, you know, I know sometimes we don’t feel comfortable talking about things, and it’s good to know that talking is a way to solve a problem.…and then the girls resumed playing in their play therapy (this time “cooking” for us and serving us appetizers, lunch, and dessert).  I ended up having plastic lettuce and shrimp salad, and it was most delicious. 

So…when the girls came home yesterday, they said that dad didn't show them my text message after they had called me on Tuesday.   DD1 immediately jumped in to defend dad, saying they were too busy, and i told her, well it's not her job to worry about it, and i just showed her the timing that's on my phone, that they called and left a message, and minutes later, i had sent the text with the hearts and stuff.  and she said "it's not dad's fault!" and was really upset, and gave me her DD1 evil glare (so not looking forward to the teenage years,lol).   ugh, i wish i could think of a better way to talk about it.  I did wonder aloud why she was mad at me, but i didn't pursue it.  I figure she feels like she can get mad at me more than she can get mad at him?

We ended up having a nice dinner, DD1 decided she wanted to sing the unicorn song (she's reading shel silverstein's where the sidewalk ends and working with her friends in a speech contest) and the girls were in good spirits all night.  Hardly arguing!  ha ha ha.  I even made hot chocolate for dessert and we cuddled with our dog and watched some American Idol auditions.   All in all, very sweet.

But!  wonders will never cease, so before dinner, the girls called their dad yesterday, left a voicemail (and by the way, i heard DD1 repeating, 'please be voicemail, please be voicemail'--honestly i think she and DD2 just want to get on with their evening and not be bothered with making phone calls to either of us!) and we didn't hear back until after they went to bed--and guess what, he left a text message!   wow!  so i showed it to them this morning before school and they didn’t bat an eye.  Maybe progress with him?  We shall see! 

As for why this post is called dinnertime—after singing along to the Unicorn song that I found on youtube, with DD1 following the lyrics  from her book, and DD2 giggling while finishing her broccoli, then DD1 asked me to find some of her Christmas songfest songs that she’s sung in the past—Frosty Hand  Jive, and I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas.  She then proceeded to stand by the table, and do all of the hand and body motions that she did when she performed these songs at school, singing loudly and proudly.

Seriously?  My heart about swooned out of my chest.  

Then, we heard the door opening (hubby had to work late yesterday), and the girls went running to greet him with hugs and hellos, and DD1 happily proclaimed that she helped fold all the laundry, including mine and his (which was true—and a nice benefit to having a fourth grader in the house).  

So…I’m taking a moment to treasure, embrace, meditate on these sweet moments.  Small gestures, yes, but worth so much to my heart and mind.  Just another nice dinner and I don’t take it for granted.  Hugs. 


  1. Sigh. It's rough when they feel so stuck in the middle they want to defend you both. Breaks my heart. I'm sorry Jane. I wish it was different.

    1. Thanks so much for your kind words of understanding, Liv. If anyone can understand--you can! I hate they feel stuck in the middle too. I keep praying it will get easier for them when they get older... <3. Have a wonderful week end!

  2. Dinner can be magic or mayhemm depending. I'm glad this issue is being discussed with your play therapist, Jane. That's an awesome help. I had trouble reading the post b/c the font was very small--LOL. My eyes are old, what can I say? Have a great wekeend and enjoy those little moments for sure!

  3. Thanks so much, Lisa, for stopping by. I agree...magic or mayhem!! I had a little mayhem last night that I'm about to post about. so sorry the font was too small!! I'll make the next post bigger!!! Hugs and love to you and your family! :)