I am leaving my new job to go back to my old one. Today is my last day. Right now I feel a little numb, yesterday i
was more excited, tomorrow, I’m not sure what I will be? I’m happy and sad at the same time.
A year ago, I applied to work in a similar job that I had
for the state, only it was for the federal government. The package they offered me was amazing. Something I just couldn’t refuse. 12.25% COLA on top of the salary. This position doesn’t come around often—the incumbant
had retired after 30 years. The
sick/vacation wasn’t as good as the state, but in three years it would be. And most importantly at the time—they picked
me. They chose me! And they seemed really happy about their
choice. My awful divorce was finally
over, I was in a new relationship—in fact the day I interviewed for this job, I
found out the judge had ruled in our favor and we had “won” our custody
battle...all the signs pointed to me accepting this job.
And yet...doubt did rear it’s little head. The day they offered me the job, I remember
thinking wow! They picked me! And then immediately, no, I can’t accept the
job. I have to stay where I am. My staff is great, there are challenges, but
we worked through them. My boss was so
supportive and understanding during my terrible divorce. How could I leave? So I hung up the phone, and then spent the
rest of the week end convincing myself that I had to accept it. So I did.
Cut to about 6 months after I started, I wasn’t so sure I had
made the right decision. I had taken the
sage advice of a former mentor—expect the first two months of any job to be
complete and utter hell, then breathe a sigh of relief if it isn’t. And it wasn’t like it was utter hell here, clearly,
but there were lots of red flags, lots of little hints and sighs of things that
might not be so great. I did travel for
work and that was amazing in it of itself, but the day in and day out
experiences, I wasn’t so sure.
Experiences that even when addressed and confronted and work
through...well, still it didn’t seem to be things that I could work out by myself. I might be able to address them, but...for
the next 10-15 years, would this really be okay? Then the government shutdown happened. Then, talk of looming budget cuts happened.
I had a heart-to-heart talk with my mentor at my former job
and she advised me with this: at our
age, we are too old to go into a work place every day and feel miserable. Or to feel like we aren’t having an
impact. Where would could I go and have
the greater impact? And if it’s back at
the state, why not call my old boss and see if the position had been filled?
So I did...and then...one thing led to another and
another...and an amazing job offer/package was given to me, which I accepted. Yes there was a little hesitation, mostly out
of guilt for ‘leaving in the lurch’ what I had started. But at the end of the day, I know this is the
right thing to do. My old job was not
perfect, it also had/has its challenges, but—i do feel like i had a bigger
impact in the day-to-day with my colleagues and peers and staff who worked for
me. I wonder if maybe I was meant to
leave, only to come back. To learn the
lessons that I learned here to bring them back to me. To have been able to appreciate what I had,
to also rise to a challenge of giving back and focus on coming out of my shell
even more. So here’s to hoping for a
joyful and prosperous new year.
