Monday, March 30, 2015

Happy Palm Sunday Week end! from a fun filled week end with the girls. But that’s a good type of exhaustion!

Although I have to fully confess on having a parenting fail yesterday.  DD2 decided to have a fit at the end of church because she was hungry and wanted (demanded) jelly beans that were given to her in sunday school. i said no, not until after lunch. tantrum ensued. le sigh. note to self re: power struggles with a pre-schooler:  disengage!

On the flip side, we got an early start to coloring eggs, played with the neighbors on bikes, took the girls to see _Home_ --very sweet, DD1 and I cried, because we are softies! ha ha ha. lots of hugs and love. And before said tantrum, the girls sang with the children's choir and we also marched with our palm leaves for Palm sunday... 
DD1 seriously suspects that A and I are the easter bunny...ha.  What to do, what to do?

As for the legal stuff--I’m still waiting to hear back from my attorney on what to do about the child support.  I know deep down I have to face him, and after all that we’ve been through, you’d think I would be okay with that.  Even stronger.  And in some ways, I am.  In others, I feel helpless and scared, and if there is a way to NOT have to face him in such an adversarial setting, I think I may take it.  It brings up too much trauma and fear.

At the very least, I’m glad that even with this cloud at the back of my mind, that’s where it’s staying—in the back burner, and not taking over my every day life.  So that’s progress, right?  When I think of this week end, chock full of fun and activity-- I was concentrating on what we were doing (rather than what may be happening with re: the ex), and even though I hiccupped on the parenting end, I was able to pick up my imperfections and have a positive experience with the girls.

Saturday morning, DD2 and DD1 woke up before me, hubby was still asleep.  They crawled into bed for some early morning snuggles, then I whispered to them to get up and brush their teeth and get dressed, so we could go play with our new puppy G.  A few minutes later, DD2 came into my bathroom and whispered in her stage voice (i.e. a whisper shout), “G pooped…and it’s EVERYwhere!!”  I told her to go back downstairs, but not to open the gate (we have built G her very own living space a.k.a. my kitchen) and DD2 could pat G through the bars, but not to let her out.  I hurried to finish brushing my teeth and get dressed, but when I opened the bathroom door, the bed was empty, and when I got downstairs, hubby had already cleaned up everything, the kitchen was spotless!  All that was left to do was for me to clean G’s paws, who was running around our yard outside, since she clearly tramped around her own poo, ha ha ha.  (I swear—having a puppy is like having a new baby in the house, poo and pee galore!)

So then, my usual hubby-who-does-not-hurry-out-of-bed-in-the-morning suggested that we all go out to breakfast—to our favorite little breakfast spot, a sleepy diner tucked away near our beautiful green mountain view.  Once there, and while waiting for our chocolate chip pancakes and eggs, Hubby told the girls the story of how we went there on our second date, and sat in the booth right next to the one we were in that morning.  Then I told the girls that the view of the mountains was so beautiful, that I asked A to come sit by me, so he could see it—since his back was to the view.  Then hubby said, oh no, that’s what mommy THINKS happened, but really, I just wanted to sit next to her, so I just let her think it was because of the view.  Both girls giggled hysterically at that story…and later I heard DD1 repeat it to one of her favorite aunties.  Very sweet.

So…swoon.  All in all, a happy week end.  I feel blessed and thankful.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Hanging in there

I’m doing my best to hang in there.

Hubby is really stressing with work so he’s been speaking to me in caveman monosyllables at times.  I’m really stressing with the CS modification and feeling powerless to “solve” the problem on my own, trying to let go of that and let God, so to speak.  Let go, because I don’t have control.  To hang in there and live and make the best of it.

Some days, I’m really good at it, and I’ve been riding a pretty good run lately.

Today, not so good.  Feeling depressed and defeated and needled and just done.  Got another email where lovely Ex is pointing out my deficiencies (DD1’s cafeteria account is delinquent, I’ve explained many times before the check gets submitted, and it just crosses paths with the notices.  Also…I haven’t seen DD1 all week, due to DD2’s spring break, so go figure that I haven’t received the messages.) 

You know how we divorced mom veterans often say “don’t sweat the small stuff?”  I normally believe that, too.  Again, not having the greatest moment with it right now; this last email just felt like being poked with a steel pointed boot while I’m down.

Still…I do have some things to look forward to—Exie is on a work trip, so that means I have extended, uninterrupted time with the girls for the next week.  I didn’t have to give up a week end in exchange, because our week ends are booked with activities over the next two months.

Yesterday, the girls all cuddled up with our new puppy and DD1 took a selfie of the three of us, plus dog, ha ha ha!

We actually don’t have much planned for this week end, so hopefully we can relax a bit—it’s nice to have a break from the schedule.

DD1 is still saying she wants to do tap dance in addition to ballet.

DD2 is saying she now wants to try ballet instead of gymnastics.

My father-in-law and his wife will be in town soon—the girls are ecstatic and can’t wait.  On the last skype, DD2 said, “Grandpa, can’t you visit right NOW?”

Keep swimming.  Just keep swimming.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Child support modification, take 2

Turns out he did request for a modification--based on what I have no idea.

I had 10 days to get my information in, and even though I got it in within 9, because they didn't input it into the system, I now have to request for a hearing.  Somehow, they calculated childcare to be $0.0.  And his CS was reduced $500/month.

So now I have to go face him in court.  Again.

I feel sick.

I can't believe it.

I guess what's really making me cry right now is that I gathered all the information and thought it would be taken care of.  Within the time frame.  In fact, one day ahead.  But it didn't matter.  It's already in the proposal stage, so now I have to go to a hearing.

I'm just so tired of his game playing shit.

So much for giving him the benefit of the doubt!

Monday, March 23, 2015

Thursday, March 19, 2015


In the midst of DD1’s spring break fun—taking DD1 to the water park with her BFFs while DD2 was still at preschool (their schedules don’t match, and thought it would be nice to have a big sister only day!)—planning a sleepover and movie night, playing with our sweet little puppy:

I was delivered child support modification papers.  Since I’m a bit disorganized about checking my mail, I had one day to turn it all around.  Which meant hunting down childcare receipts for the last year, the W-2 from my second part time job, my four recent paystubs, la-di-dah.  Humbug!

As I was doing the information gathering, I was cursing under my breath a bit, i.e., really, ex?  You filed for a modification?  Based on what?  What a pain in my a$$.

Then, I went online to look at the child support guidelines and what did I find—voila, new guidelines that came into effect last month.  Oh.  Oops. 

Lesson learned:  sometimes, it isn’t the worst-case scenario that I thought it was.

p.s. there is still nasty legal letter writing going on the background, but for now, I’m letting my attorney deal with it.  Honestly, it’s kind of nice not to have to cipher through all the crap. 

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Puppy love

Well, we’ve added a new member to our family—a six week old puppy!  Hubby brought him home the other day, and we couldn’t be more thrilled!

She is really sweet, a mix of everthing, really, but she definitely has sharpei in her, because of her cute little wrinkly face.  She ought to be about 40 lbs at the largest (knock on wood), and she prances around wagging her tail, sometimes chasing it.  She already loves “her people” (a.k.a. the girls and hubby) chasing after everyone as they walk around.

DD1 is absolutely relieved she didn’t have to wait until DD2 was in kindergarten—a mere few months away.  I had prepared DD1 that it would be a while, that we wouldn’t get our puppy the first DAY of kindergarten for DD2, because we’d all have to get used to the new schedule and be able to make a nice routine.  DD1 repeated this to all her friends and aunties, lamenting the fact that DD2 wasn’t older and that we would have to wait…

Well, cut to Sunday afternoon, Hubby came home from work with our cute little G (girls named her) in a crate in the back of his car, and the rest is history.  It’s only day 3, but we are all in love with her. 

Sometimes, my heart is so happy and full, and I am just in awe at how thankful and lucky I am.  Today is one of those days.   

Monday, March 2, 2015


I feel like I’m in the calm period, waiting for the storm to hit.  The legal letter writing solved a few things.  1) it’s okay for DD1 to be in ballet, he has to take her to rehearsals that happen on his time—and after the letter writing, he is.  check.  2) It’s okay for DD2 to be in gymnastics, he has to take her there, too.  Check.  3) It’s okay for me to think about private school for the girls, as long as I pay for it.  Check.  4) he has to reimburse on the copays and do it on a timely basis.  He’s doing it—bringing things current from 2013.  Check.

Wish it would have been easier to get all these things done without hiring an attorney, but then again, I have to take what I can get, right?