A lot on the plate of late—and I don’t mean to be cheeky. I’ve been struggling with the good ole pressures of being a working mom, schedule changes for the kids, extracurricular activities, the hubby having his own stressors with work and his health concerns (nothing imminent, just trying to be healthier in general).
So lately, Tapping is something that I’ve found to be a great coping tool “in the moment” for when anxiety bears down. I’ve been trying it out for the last two weeks. In a nutshell: it’s a self-soothing technique that interrupts the anxious thinking and is comforting both on emotional and physical levels. Instead of thinking, OMG my ex is stressing me and I’m freaking out, I reword the statement to say: I’m feeling really anxious about the exie and even though I’m anxious, I love and accept myself. While doing the acupressure tapping.
Well, let’s just break this down. First of all, the words feel and sound weird on many different levels and I’ll share why I pooh-poohed this for a long time:
1. it’s just easier to believe the bad stuff.
2. likewise, it’s hard to believe the good stuff.
3. Old habits die hard—you know how you always take the same route when walking to or driving to the store? Or to work? Or park at the same spot in that parking lot for whatever it is you’re going out for (school, store, work, etc?)…? My brain works the same way. It lays down tracks of thinking that over the years have become well-worn paths of thoughts and feelings. It’s what makes one and two the rule rather than the exception.
4. I have to admit though, that when I’m doing this technique, it does interrupt the stressed out thinking—instead of feeling overwhelmed by it, it becomes a smaller part of my consciousness. Something I need to address, but it doesn’t engulf like it used to.
Obviously, I’m not a licensed medical practitioner. I’m just sharing my experience in that lately this seems to have helped me make it through. I’ve lived with anxiety and stress for so long, I don’t know exactly how to live without it, but it’s what I’m aiming for.
In other news, my oldest daughter DD1 has been selected for her “spring court” and she is super excited about that. It’s based on student and teacher votes, as well as by demonstrating what it means to be a responsible student—being a self-directed learner, community contributor, complex thinker, using technology effectively and ethically, and being an effective communicator. Awwwww….heart melting.
And after some back and forth with little sister’s teacher, she is confident that DD2 will improve on her listening and working quietly skills (le sigh, little sister is a smart cookie and super exuberant when it comes to her approach to life. This can translate to distracting her classmates and talking too much, sounds like what I was told I was like when younger? Oh dear!!!)
Life moves on. And the latest news on the Exie front, the child support issue has been resolved, yes I settled, but whatever. It is what it is. And apparently he’s moved out of his mom’s house and has an apartment/house for the girls and himself. I’m trying not to worry too much, because I know grandma was always helpful. I wonder what it will be like for them? I hope he doesn’t get too stressed out with being on his own and taking his stressors out on them. On the other hand, maybe it will lead him to a new path where he can turn a new leaf and act more responsibly. I’ll hope for that. Deep breaths.
I have anxiety about the unknown for my kids and my ex’s behavior, but I love and accept this part of myself. I will be there for them no matter what. Tap, tap, tapping. Deep breaths.