Happy Solstice, 2022!

Summer solstice image credit

It is the longest day of the year for us northern hemisphere folks and normally, I’d be a pretty happy camper—thinking of all the summer-y things we can do.  To be honest, the summer of 2022 has been a doozy, so here is my struggle list.

One good thing though—since my last emo post about raising a teenage daughter, that very same teenager has done a complete 180.  After returning from her summer vacay with her dad, she has been kind, thoughtful, helpful (did four, yes, i said FOUR loads of laundry) and interacting.  I am in a state of shock and awe, but also extreme thankfulness, too.  Holding my breath so I don’t somehow jinx this amazing and wonderful situation!  Pray for me!! :D (She is truly growing into a thoughtful, smart, funny human being who cares about people and I am grateful.)

Surviving Solstice struggle list:

1. Emotional paralysis after living with 2 years+ pandemic working and caretaking.
2. Physical weakness due to item number 1: i.e. less energy to do the exercising, etc. (I am recovering from surgery still yet...)
3. Recovering from surgery. 
4. Testing myself due to COVID exposures; wondering when will I get COVID, or when will family member get COVID again?
5. Mid-life crisis-ing:  waking up each morning thinking, what is the point of getting out of bed, when so many people are a-holes.  (See last post).
6. When the hubby gets his man-period, then I have three tweens/teens in the house and I want to pull my hair out.

 

Surviving Solstice coping list:

1. Be gentle with you-emotionally and physically, you can only do what you can do.
2. Tell someone you love them.
3. Cry.
4. Call someone you love and trust and take a moment to connect.
5. Make stupid, venting jokes about a-hole people.
6. Do something physically active (limited if cannot get out of bed, but then if you get out of bed, celebrate that small miracle for what it is!)
7. Take a bath.
8. Vege out to k-dramas or tiktok videos or Stranger Things 4.
9. Therapy. 
10. Breathe - meditative breathing, or try the free insight timer app.
11. Nature - get outside, even for a few minutes, and listen to the wind.

When I see this list, I see many privileges and abilities.  And at the same time, I recognize that living is just f%*(ing hard. 

So letʻs do our best to stay in the moment and hope that we can come together and help each other along. 

And talk to yourself like you talk to someone you love.  I love you.

Love,

Jane Thrive

Meaningful Connection in Times of Sorrow

photo credit here

Dear World,

I was sidelined by a few things in the last two weeks: particularly with the horror of the mass shooting in Uvalde, TX and the loss of 19 children and 2 teachers who died trying to protect them.  And the rise of gun violence, especially in schools, is heartbreaking.  Brave and amazing folks—including an 11 year old survivor and family members related to the kids who lost their lives in Uvalde testified for gun control in the U.S. House today, and while the House passed a wide-reaching gun control bill, it is likely to fail in the Senate.  I am absolutely rageful that there are folks that would allow political gun money to take precedence over our public safety, especially children. 

If you’re looking for a place to protest, you can see here, for a series of gun violence protests happening across the country on Saturday, June 11^th. 

These days I’ve been waking up overwhelmed with the weight of the world, sometimes not even wanting to roll out of bed, and maybe this is a normal human reaction to all the !@#$ that is happening in the world right now.  To feel powerless at times.  Sometimes I ask:  what the h3^^ are we even doing here? 

When we feel down and overwhelmed, these questions arise:  what can we do, what can one person do to make a difference in our turbulent lives?  What can we do that will matter?  Sometimes we can call ourselves to action, such as in an active protest as mentioned prior.  Other times, we can look to lift our voices and shout out into the world, or lift other voices up and join them in solidarity, to demand change.  Other times, maybe it is something small, a phone call to a loved one.  A moment of shared empathy or grief.

When I am still, I sometimes think about Dr. Brené Brown’s work that includes meaningful connection.  She has studied the human condition for decades and some of the highlights that resonate with me include her work on empathy, true empathy.  Empathy is not about ‘walking in one another’s shoes,’ because our bias prevents us from actually walking in and experiencing someone else’s experience.  Instead, true empathy is about making space for another person for them to share their experience, and then, most importantly, to have the capacity to believe that their story is, indeed, true.  This sounds easy, but actually, it is way harder than at first read, because our bias can get in the way.  It is hard to believe someone else’s story if in doing so means we also re-examine our own experiences and are held accountable in any way, if their story makes us uncomfortable, or reveals truths that we are not ready to accept.  This is why folks get so reactive on topics such as systemic racism and gender bias.  Rather than accepting diverse and difficult experiences, they shy away out of defense and protection of ego and the status quo.  But I digress….(another post altogether, honestly).

What resonates for me in Dr. Brown’s work re: this particular idea about “what can we do when we feel powerless against so much awfulness in the world?’:  is back to forming meaningful connections and that we can be careful stewards of each others’ stories.  About how this turns the conversation away from control and agendas, but to a context of considerate learning and inspiration.  How an act of empathy and friendship, true friendship, is an act of love.  That by supporting and uplifting voices around us, even the smallest scale, is a miracle in it of itself.  And these small miracles do have the capacity to heal our broken world.

At least, that is my hope. <3

Love,

Jane Thrive