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I love my babies so much it hurts. Likely says every mother everywhere. So when I see their dad encroaching with his manipulation and emotional blackmail, my heart kind of boils. New emails came in over the week end. New confidences from DD2 last night :(
I know I have to let go of fear. But how do you let go of the worry:
He makes them question themselves and their feelings.
He swears at them for things like brushing their teeth or taking too long to put their shoes on.
Little sister repeatedly tells me she’s “dumb” and “lies” and “breaks things” because “that’s what daddy says.”
They feel responsible for his feelings, that if they don’t behave a certain way (i.e. too friendly with their stepfather; too loving on the phone with me when they’re with him), they worry he thinks they don’t love him.
I worry they think they are at fault when their dad loses his temper.
I worry they’ll carry the responsibility for a man in their life into their adult relationships.
I worry they’ll think love isn’t love unless it includes anger.
I worry they’ll think that if they love him enough, he’ll change.
I worry they’ll think if he doesn’t change, there’s something wrong with them.
I worry they won’t realize it’s okay to be happy and to be loved without hurt.
I worry they’ll think they’re not good enough.
I worry they’ll think they are unworthy of love.
I worry that the self-confidence and trust in the goodness in the world that fills them up right now to the brim, will get whittled down into self-doubt and insecurity.
I worry they’ll question their reality.
Dear god, please protect my babies. Please help them stand up for themselves. Please help them believe in themselves. Please help them know they are loved and worthy of love.