Monday, April 7, 2014

Kind, for kindness' sake

Well, shit.  I got into a fender bender over the week end.  It was one of those stop and go traffic situations, when everyone is going, and then suddenly STOP, and I slammed on my brakes, and we just slid into the car in front of us.  Driving FAIL!

Luckily, no one was hurt. !!  But my front end was “moderately” damaged, which translates into I’m not so sure I want to drive it.  Smooshed front end (we made it home okay afterwards, but still…)  The other car, a few scratches on the bumper.  Actually, I think the other driver was ready to launch a full scale grumpy at me, but then he saw my car vs. his car, my sweetheart girls in the back seat looking out at him, me with tears running down my face as I called my fiancé, A, to tell him that we got into an accident, and it seemed that all grumpiness whoosed out of him like a deflated balloon.  And again, I am so very thankful we all okay.  We exchanged insurance information and off we went back into our lives.

So driving home, tears still rolling down my face—driving sucks sometimes, and I suck!—the girls kept asking if I was okay—and I responded that yes!  Mommy was okay, just sad about the car and glad everyone was fine.  And clearly, they **were** fine, chirping happily, listening to music.  Big sis said she was ‘startled’ but both she and little sis were carrying on as if nothing had happened, especially evident when they began arguing over which Frozen song we were going to listen to.  (I seriously need to count my blessings, my 1st world problems are driving a smooshed in car and hearing my lovely girls fighting over who would be Elsa and who would be Anna.  Really. )

My fiancé A and his mom beat us home (the outing had been to pick out the girls’ flower dresses—which we did! And they are gorgeous! And this post is supposed to be about that!) and immediately he came outside when we pulled into the carport.  Me, still crying, the girls, still belting out “Let it Go”— I’m not kidding, life felt like a weird soundtrack at that moment. 
And my lovely, A, swooped in and said, you know darling, we’ve been talking about getting you a new car for months, I don’t think it’s worth the thousand dollars or whatever it will cost to fix this old POS car, and so maybe it’s just time.  And my soon to be mother-in-law gave me a big old hug, which made the tears squeeze out even more, and she offered to stay with the girls (who were way more excited about spending time with step-grandma than boring talk about a car), and off we went to the dealership. 

Three hours later, we came home in a brand new mini-SUV.  Seriously shiny, all these technological advancements like a rear view camera and blue tooth and the whole nine yards.  But most of all, it feels safe to drive.  I guess the girls and I have been driving around in a rickety old car all these years and I just never noticed.  It’s actually not that old—14 years—but there was no car payment and it had just been fixed up last summer and everything seemed fine; it never seriously crossed my mind to get a new car, even though A was talking about it. 

Anyway, we loaded up the car seats and took the girls for a spin and they couldn’t be happier, they love it.  Little sister kept saying, THIS IS SO AWESOME!  And big sister climbed into the way back when we got home, clearly she approved it for jungle gym potential alone.  And through it all, A was so sweet and kind about it all.  He was proud to get us the new car—it was like it made sense to him for him to do it.  I am such a far cry from being sad and scared and worried and wondering when the earthquake anger will come.  With A, I’m learning that it doesn’t come.  That he wants to take care of us because he loves us and wants us to be safe.  It’s a new language—I’m still taking it all in and treading carefully, wanting to trust the sounds, learning to understand the syllables.

This morning, my normally tired little girls who pull out their grumpies, bounded out of bed.  They couldn’t wait to get ready and load up and climb into our new family car.  Big sister wanted me to tell her early care teacher that we got a new car, but I was feeling embarrassed, lol, and didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.  Little sister was so excited to go to school in our new car, she sang the entire way to town.  Well, she normally does that, but it was interspersed with, I love our new car, mommy!

Life sure takes us on strange turns.  A tells me to brag to all my friends that I crashed my car and he went out and bought me a new one.  I don’t know how to brag about things like this, but I am very thankful.  So very thankful and I guess this is another lesson I need to learn about how A is kind for kindness’ sake.

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