A few days ago marks four years
since my ex moved out of the house.
“Just you wait,” he said, “You’ll
miss how much I do around here.”
What we missed:
1)
No swearing in the mornings.
2)
No breaking toys or plates or dishes or throwing remote
controls or balls at bookshelves.
3)
No screaming at the children, until
they cried so hard they threw up.
4)
No flicks to the head, while happily
eating cereal at the dinner table and watching cartoons, simply because he was
in a bad mood.
5)
No shoving or kicking or pushing or
yelling.
6)
No freezing at the table when one of
the girls dropped a grain of rice on the floor, waiting to see what he would
do.
7)
No choking the dog and throwing him
across the room (I found a new home for our dog just a few months prior to his
departure.)
8)
No threats to murder us in our sleep
or put a bullet through our head.
The
list could go on. And on. Yet as time has marched on, the memories have
faded, but I think I’ll always remember the calm in the house in the aftermath
of his departure. I thought I’d freak
out, overwhelmed by doing it alone, but aside from taking the trash out once in
a while, I realized I’d been doing everything anyway. He would help with the morning drop-offs—but
it was actually more peaceful to wake up all together. Sure the girls and I had to get up a little
earlier, but what a small price to pay.
____________
That's
the beginning of my article that I submitted to DivorcedMoms.com--I hope they
accept it! But in the mean time, I'm taking the time to celebrate--yes
celebrate the progress we've made since that time. Since that life from
before, it's like a shadow that I can sometimes remember with perfect clarity,
if I'm having a PTSD moment, and other times, like a foggy dream.
So
these days, I like to think about:
1)
DD1 asking me to buy a matching
skirt when we went back to school shopping (swoon!) and thanking Old Navy for
providing a kids' XL size, so I could do it. Then cuddling up with her to
take a picture outside of our house. (double swoon!)
2)
DD2 cackling and laughing and cuddling in the
pre-school rocking chair in the mornings, so excited to feed the school
aquarium fish, before I have to leave her and come to work.
3)
Swaying with DD1 and DD2 in the
ocean water, as we wade (well I wade, they are floating on body boards) to an
island bird sanctuary, where the birds make their nests in the ground, free
from any threat of snakes. And DD1 and DD2 oohing and ahhing at the sight
of a baby bird peeking out, and the feathers of a mama bird guarding said baby.
4)
Our puppy G, peeking in from outside when we’re
eating dinner that Hubby had made, and the girls laughing at Hubby’s story
about how the chicken lit on fire in the grill, and G let him know by running
to the other side of the yard and looking at him like, “excuse me, you need to
take care of that!”
5)
DD1 taking one bite of Hubby’s
macaroni and cheese and knowing right away that something doesn’t “taste right,”
and all of us laughing (including Hubby) because no matter how many times he
makes it, it doesn’t taste like mom’s!
6)
Seeing DD1 and DD2 hold hands when
walking across lava rocks.
7)
DD2 telling me she can't wait to
start kindergarten.
8)
Hubby and me, working through our
challenges to make it work.
9) Lazy week end mornings, when one or both girls climb into bed with me for a snuggle.
The list could go on. And
on. And it does.
