Thursday, September 8, 2016

An adventure to see lava

Last week end, we had the opportunity to whisk the girls away for an adventure to see live lava flowing into the ocean.

Per usual, my antiExiety kicked in—after notifying the ex about our trip, he told me I was endangering the children by traveling during storm watches and questioning my judgment.  I decided to take the high road and thanked him for his concerns, and responded that we were monitoring the weather closely and that I would update him on any changes to the itinerary.  (p.s. the travel arrangements had been made well ahead of any prediction of storms coming into the area…)

However, we completely lucked out on the weather!  Our flight out to the Big Island took off in the late afternoon, after the first hurricane Madeline had cleared the islands, and we were expecting the second storm, Lester, to pass over while we were there.  But then Lester decided to take a turn for the north, and all watches and warnings were cancelled, hurray!

Which led to fun hikes across lava rocks, a helicopter ride to see the lava flowing into the ocean, and lots of pool time, where the girls and I floated, holding hands like otters.  Heart full!

There is part of me that feels guilty, that I don’t feel I deserve all this goodness of late.  I think it’s my amped up anxiety and PTSD, which has for some reason informed my life that every time something good happens, then something negative or terrible has to follow.  I’m working on that—a continual healing work in progress.

That said, I was so happy I was able to table a lot of my anxiety and just be in the moment—holding hands with my daughters, relaxing by the pool or chasing them down waterslides, marveling at the night sky on the drive back after seeing the lava, showing them the milky way and shooting stars and constellations that shone brighter than they’ve ever seen, because we were in the middle of an island with no light pollution.

And even when the girls got grumpy due to over-excitement and staying up late, I still managed to comfort them with hugs and love and laughter.

Blended families are so complicated, sometimes—how I wish it could be easier.  At the moment, I think I’ll just relax into the vision of DD1 making eggs for the hubs, and DD2 snuggling up next to me in the wee morning hours, so excited to be on vacation that she was the first to wake up.

It’s hard to believe that just a week ago we were getting ready to get on a plane, and now we’re back again.  I hope these memories will stick with the girls, their games when they were playing in the pool, DD1 patiently giving horsey rides to DD2 when she couldn’t touch, both giggling and laughing and splashing and jumping in and out of the water.  Oohing and aahing at the fingers of lava falling into the ocean, DD2 telling me that the trees looked like broccoli as we flow over the forests.  Or DD1 and DD2 getting thrown into splashing fits of laughter by the hubs as we swam.

Please god, let me be at peace.  Please god, let my girls also be at peace, too.  Help us learn to accept good things in our lives without worry and stress.  I am thankful.


  1. I find time is making it easier, the strangle hold loosens as the days stretch. I hope the same for you.

  2. What a beautiful holiday, Jane! I love the pic of the three of you together floating. It seems symbolic of all you 3 have been through. Survival. Together. You deserve everything!

    1. Thank you so much, Lisa!! The pool pic makes me smile, too. <3 <3 <3 I think of us as three otters floating, because i love how otters hold hands too, lol lol.