I’ve been struggling to write this month, partly due to my
children away on their extended summer vacation with their father and his
wealthy new girlfriend. They are in
Europe! And wow! Europe!
Truth time: a part of
me struggles with this—an example of how the man who kicked my eldest in her
stomach and knocked my youngest down with a jumbo fitness ball as teeny
toddlers—gets away with being a jerk and is now living the life.
Second truth: I’m so
not proud of feeling this way. Two steps
forward and one step backward on the healing journey. I’m angry and sad about the injustice. And it doesn’t help that the said new
girlfriend took my youngest’s Mother’s day gift that her teacher said my little
one worked on all year at school--that’s another thing that I’m supposed to “accept”
for the good of the all. Ouch. A month later, and I’m still sore
from that scenario.
So, I’ve been taking stock of my “tips”
for coping when your kids are on an extended visitation that I wrote back in
2014. They still apply—leaning into the
relaxed household pace in my temporary all-adult house, spending time with
friends, relaxing with the hubs, reading a book or catching up on a show. And dedicating myself to exercise—I did an 8
mile run last Saturday!
Taking stock--over the past two weeks: I’ve celebrated a friend’s birthday, had a
mom’s night out, went to see stand-up comedian Ali Wong with some girlfriends
(and if you haven’t seen her new movie, Always Be My Maybe on
Netflix, you are seriously missing out on some laughter in your day!), caught up
on reading, caught up on t.v. shows with the hubby, like Jessica Jones, watched
movies, jumped into the ocean and had fun being silly with coworkers and
friends. Took naps. Oh sweet naps.
I also have an appointment with my therapist on Monday to
keep working on letting go. How can I
just let go of these negative, downer emotions.
How can I rise above and stay above?
How can I remain in the peace zone?
For this Solstice,
then, I’m working on letting the light in.
Past actions do not have to define me.
Maybe they cast shadows on the longest day of the year, even as I walk
in the sunlight. Maybe I just acknowledge
the shadows in order to embrace the light in my life. Hello, shadow. Please step aside so I can embrace today’s
sunrays.
Practice kindness. To
myself, to my coworkers, to my friends, to my family. The girls come home on Monday, too. I can’t wait to hug them. I can’t wait to hear their voices and
laughter and help them get to tennis or their tennis team party and eat dinner
with them like any other mundane Monday night.
To peek in to see if they’re settled into bed and at their sleeping
faces, knowing they will be safe at home.
I may not feel like it all the time, but the other thing I
need to embrace on this lovely Solstice day—is that somehow everything will be
okay. I can do it. May you have peace,
may you have happiness, may you have healing.
