It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

(Most Wonderful)

I love the holiday season, I’m one of those silly, antler-headband wearing, Christmas carol humming, skipping along oohing and aaahing at Christmas lights people, running around with my Christmas cards and holiday packages.  And I haven’t even gotten to the baking part of the season!  LOL.

Anyway, the ex does not disappoint with his passive aggressive emailing and texting about the holiday schedule, or being a general pain in the butt whenever it’s possible.  I thought it couldn’t get worse than finding out he’s keeping the girls from his mom.  But!  He never fails to surprise.  Amidst the crazy conflict drama, an accidental text stream appeared in my phone.

Ex: Morning my love.  I hope you rest today (heart emoji)

(An hour later)

Ex:  Sorry wrong person

Me—embracing the spirit of the holidays:  Happy for you, (Ex’s first name)!  Happy Thanksgiving *smiley face*

Once I hit send, I immediately thought, oh no, was that crazy?  Then, oh well, too late anyway.  LOL.  It’s about choosing to be kind when you’re able to be, with no expectation about response. 

*****

As we come to a close of 2019 and gear up for 2020, I’m thinking of the things I’d like to let go and the things that I will embrace.

I’d like to let go of the knee-jerk anxiety that comes whenever I get a text or an email from the Ex.

I’d like to let go of the social anxiety I sometimes feel when I’m at work or dealing with family pressures.

I’d like to let go of the Ex and that he moves away with his long distance girlfriend (tee hee).

I’d like to embrace peace and kindness and forgiveness—for myself and others.

I’d like to embrace balance in my work and family responsibilities—that I can feel confidence in the things that I know, and comfort that if I don’t know something, I’ll figure out a solution or a way forward that is best for the girls and for me. 

I’d like to embrace the journey—that the moment to moment experiences aren’t something I have to push through, get through, to ‘get to the other side’—that somehow living those experiences are the point, and the ‘getting to the other side’ is just a comforting stop on the way.  That the “happy endings” are really connections on the journey so that one day, we can look back and see a beautiful pattern of love and learning and acceptance.

I have a lot of embracing to do!  Let’s do our best.

Tis the season!

p.s. baby yoda!