An Ending and A Beginning and Coping Along the way

I’m so proud of DD1 and DD2—another year of school is over.  DD1 was surprised at her promotion ceremony by earning her school’s Scholastic Achievement Award—in fact we all were!  As her teacher slowly listed the activities and roles that DD1 and many of her classmates have participated in/taken on, the possibility of who the actual awardee could be began to narrow down to—DD1!  Aww, sweet DD1, I thought my heart was going to burst with pride and love.  And while DD2 was home sick with a fever, she was better by the next day, so was able to watch her sister get recognized at the school-wide student assembly.  I can’t believe I now have an official middle schooler on my hands, lord help me!

The girls are now with their dad for the next two weeks for his summer vacation time.  DD2’s brand new school has summer school starting in a couple of weeks, and so he is getting to be folded into the school in that way.  This is the school that he is not paying a single penny of tuition according to our stupid court finagling years ago when it came to the education of our girls.  The irony is that he is a private school grad himself, insisted the girls HAD to go to private school—until he actually had to pay the piper when we divorced.  So then he drew out a six month long legal battle about it—when all along I said I would pay for everything, and he would never, ever be charged.  His objection?  He was okay if I applied the girls, if I paid for everything, however he demanded to have the final selection choice.  Um…no.

Anyway, that conflict down, cut to three years later, and DD1 was accepted to a really great school that she can’t wait to attend, so I’m putting away my twinges of worry that he is going to walk into said school and charm the world about how he is such a wonderful father, barf.  It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, because DD1 is so excited and happy and can’t wait to start!   And I’m so excited for her too, yippee!!!

As for DD2, she is a jumping bean and excited about going to summer school with her bestie.  She is such a character, always making faces, trying to make people laugh, the energy of an energizer bunny that never stops.  I’m excited for her to continue her hip hop dance and tennis this summer and really hope that now that her sister is moving on to middle school, DD2 can maybe come out from under her sister’s shadow and find herself a little bit more.   ?  Who knows?

A couple of years ago, I wrote a post about “coping skills” when your kids are on extended break with your co-parent.  I’m trying to lean into those coping skills now, and I’d like to say it gets easier with time.  It’s both easier and more difficult—easier because it’s not something new, harder, because they are older, or maybe it’s just harder for me, because of the abuse PTSD that I still feel acutely on some days, yet on others, feel like I’ve finally made huge strides in healing.

Are we ever truly healed?  Or is the pain and injury like the tide—sometimes the pull is so strong, you feel like you’re submerged underwater, other days, light as feather, you’re floating above the water, along the clouds, and all is in balance and right with the world.

Or is that just crazy me?

I guess the best advice I have right now is from waaaaay back, from when I was first learning to deal with this whole divorce world odyssey:  be gentle with you.  Life is hard enough without you coming down harder on yourself.  I’ll go with that and hope it can sustain my coping needs for a while.  And sending love and hugs to the world, too.