Survive, Live, Thrive Update

What I’ve been doing since March:

• Little sister disclosed that her father’s temper scares her.
• Little sister disclosed how her father hurt her “this one time” when he threw a book at her and left a ‘red mark.’
• Little sister drew pictures of dad yelling at her because she spilled water.  He has wings and a tail and she is crying.
• Play therapist says this does not rise to the level of reporting abuse.
• Play therapist says I do not want to have an overworked, underpaid social worker making decisions about my family.
• We’ve created code words for little sister to use.  Let’s say it’s watermelon
• One watermelon is dad hurts my feelings, two watermelons is that it’s really bad, three watermelons is that I really need you to do something about it, mom. L
• Little sister says she feels relieved that it’s “not a secret anymore” and also makes us promise not to tell him. 
• Play therapist and I reinforce with little sister that dad’s decisions are about dad and they are not her fault.
• Over the summer we meet regularly with the play therapist and little sister says she wants to handle the watermelons by herself.
• I still check in from time to time about watermelons though, she shares a few more stories and another picture at play therapy.  It’s a picture of dad yelling at her and she’s standing there with a sad face, but in her mind ‘bubble’ she’s thinking about playing with her friends.  
• This has brought up a ton of PTSD for me and have been seeking therapy support to process it all and cope with the disclosures.
• I discover from big sisters texting that dad called big sister a fucking asshole because she is beating him at super smash bros.  Great, really great.  She’s venting to her friend but after all caps venting, she finishes with: okay, bye.
• I’m kind of awed and impressed by all of the colorful language big sister used, at first she used asterisks, like F*ck, but by the end, all words were in all cap and spelled out.
• Before extended dad vacation, both sisters forgot prescription toothpaste that they need to use per dentist’s orders and were scheduled to see the dentist the day after they returned.  Ex refused to meet me for three days, so I finally dropped it off at his house, per my attorney’s advice.
• Ex yelled at in the street:  “You’re trespassing!”  To which I responded, “The kids need to use their toothpaste once a day, Bye!” And then got into my car, cried and drove away.
• Attorney told me I could change the parenting time.  I decide to pursue, at least to see what the options are, but do not want to re-litigate and will only move forward if there's a guarantee I can improve parenting time.
• After analyzing details of the case, attorney realized it’s not a slam dunk.
• Sort this out in therapy, but really, decided to be peace with not seeking further litigation.  Just glad I have a badA$$ attorney who will defend me if the ex and his girlfriend with deep pockets ever tries any litigation. (Best offense is a good defense).
• Hanging in there as best as I can.

  

Good things I’ve done during the pandemic

• Learning about big sister’s love for anime and marathon watching it with the girls.
• Taking both of the girls surfing for the first time—each on their own time, and seeing them love it!
• Staycation because no tourists in town and enjoying the peace and quiet and fun of family time away from the house.
• Walking our doggie G every day for a mile.
• Cooking little sister breakfast every morning and sitting and eating breakie and lunch together, because teleworking.
• Linking volunteer attorneys giving free legal advice to folks who are trying to access the family court system and don’t have an attorney.
• Surfing myself and having an Instagram photographer capture a photo!
• Watching:  The Last Kingdom and The Umbrella Academy on Netflix for escape.  (I didn’t realize that I’d be so bloodthirsty in Last Kingdom, LOL!)