Remembering 9/11, the path I’ve been walking, and some COVID coping…

9/11 Memorial fountain

I can't believe it's been 19 years since 9/11.  Last year, I was fortunate to take my family to see One World Trade Center and the 9/11 memorial fountains, which are immense in their beauty and expression of the collective grief of what happened that day.  I'm including the link to the 'top 10 secrets' about the memorial that are moving (I especially connected with the story of the "Survivor Tree").

I can't help but think of all the challenges that we're facing of late and circumstances that we've encountered as we navigate this COVID-19 pandemic.  

This is part of why it’s been so difficult to keep up and record life on the blog—concerns about health, safety for my family, then my staff at work, my friends scattered like seeds on a breeze throughout the country.  Parenting kids who were suddenly in virtual school, navigating telework schedules because of no childcare and then spring turned into summer (and summer break).  Disclosures of the girls’ father’s temper tantrums that escalated earlier this year and supporting my youngest through it all...

Navigating coparenting with said ex-husband whose emails get bitchier and more accusatory as time goes on (how is that possible, lol??), and managing the PTSD that comes up with dealing with his negativity and nastiness.  My shields were just getting thinner and thinner.

And hubby having his own breakthrough in therapy and realizing his issues about his parent’s infidelity have everything to do with his (unfounded) insecurities with me and my (healthy) friendships and (very limited, due to COVID) time away from him.  Being on top of each other 100% is insane, like some days I want to run back to my office, lol!

Protesting in support of Black Lives Matter, and swimming upstream in my professional organization, attempting to make meaningful change to systemic racism in the workplace.  (Very fortunate that there are allies and supportive folks in place, but how do you actually dismantle racism? There’s no quick fix, so have my learning hat on and doing my best not to f!# it up—listening and empathy is a key first step). 

Being thankful also to have a job and be employed when so many have lost their jobs…how lucky we are to have financial support in terms of 401(k) plans and savings and income… 

Both girls have now entered a new school year and how is it possible that I have a high schooler in the house?  Omg!!  Doing my best to give them space and also always be there for them, so they know they’re loved, at the same time, putting boundaries on sh*++y behavior, because who isn’t acting a little sh*++y given the circumstances? 

Some days I wake up ready to face the world and this pandemic and the political craziness of my country.  Other days, I want to roll over and go back to bed.

Putting one foot in front of the other has to be enough.  It may not make up for the losses of 9/11 or the suffering on this planet, but being alive is our gift of the present, even it's sheer luck we're here together.

COVID-19 Coping strategies that have helped:

Exercise—so key for me:  Yes, I’m one of those annoying people who work out almost every day.  It improves my brain so much—I see it as driving the clouds of depression away by the wave of my arm, or weights, or running stride.  (Surfing, when I can dawn patrol before work, is just the best for combatting negativity and reminding me that the world can still be beautiful). 

COVID-Cocktail time:  After work and before dinner.  I tried to restrict this to just the week end…lasted about two weeks of the last five months, lol.  Honestly one cocktail will do it, usually with the hubby and facetiming with a friend before dinner—has been so much fun!  (Sometimes, having a zoom cocktail hour, too.) 

Staycation time (kind of a miracle we were able to do this):  we were able to take the girls on a covid-19 staycation at a friend’s COVID-19 cleaned condo by the sea for a few days, we even brought a BFF for each of them for an overnight, so they could have friend time.  

Also, hubby and I got a sweet sweet deal at a fancy resort hotel for a few nights, right by the ocean.  Everything but the room and housekeeping was closed, so it was like “glam camping,” we brought a cooler full of snacks and drinks (they did refill the cooler for us every day), and with the microwave, we basically hid away from COVID and relaxed and swam and read books and had lots of quality time together.  That will be the only time we do this until he goes back to work full-time, but the deal was just so amazing and too good to be true (half of what we’d pay under normal circumstances). 

Reading:  Been escaping by reading both light (Reapers, Inc series, urban fantasy young adult) and heavy books (White Fragility, hands down a great explanation of structural racism—how it came to be, how it’s perpetuated…and I hope on what we can do about it, but I’m only 50% through).

Netflixing/Priming/Disney+:  A couple recent fun movies, Booksmart, Overboard (remake, which apparently got terrible reviews, and while the beginning was shaky, I was charmed), The Hustle (also a remake--Dirty Rotten Scoundrels), and binging on Umbrella Academy.  The second season of _The Boys_ is out, but Homelander is so awful, I don’t think I’ll make it.  And…if you want something to truly escape and walk you down nostalgia lane, Cobra Kai!  Cobra Kai started out on Youtube, then Netflix picked it up—it basically picks up 20 years after the Karate Kid, and if you make it through the first few (super short) episodes, you will be hooked!! (Again, if you’re nostalgic for the 80s, lol, this is not fine art!) 

Meditation:  I’ve been using Insight Timer, an app that has free guided meditations from everything to sleep to relax to connecting with your intuition.  You can choose your time frame (5, 10, 15, etc  minutes) and filter by voice, background music, and more.