healing

healing is a journey.  I know that sounds trite.  Someone once told me a phrase which I find fitting, even if it might seem trite as well:

healing hurts.  and hurting heals.

how true it is for me.  how on one day, i am fine and calm and pleased and enjoying our new life.  and then on another day, something my ex has said or done, sends me spinning, sends me back to the old life of cowering in fear.  or it might not be anything to do with my ex, but something might remind me of how we did live in fear, and it's like i'm in it all over again, cringing in the kitchen, or hiding upstairs in the bedroom, carrying my baby daughter in my arms, hoping he will calm down.

i am learning to grow out of it, to stem the violent responses to these triggers...and breathe deeply.  and remember, that our lives are so much better now, despite the challenges that we are facing.  the peace in our house...is worth everything.