Rawr. And a little hope.

i am so angry.

that i have to be the one to shlepp the children to their activities, because he won't contribute.  or he will make up an excuse.  that because of his obstinance in helping, most of their activities fall on my days, then we are up late doing stupid homework, instead of relaxing and having family time.  that at the dinner table, my husband and dd1 are finally relaxed and happy, but i have marching orders to get the damn homework done, because of said things.

so do i pull dd1 out of her activities?  i have never been the fan of the over-schedule, but she LOVES her pals and the things she gets to learn and do with them.  so what to do.  give up?

i feel like i have smoke coming out of my ears.  and i know i get stressed and i'm hurrying up dd1, and she is so patient (usually), and it's me who is having an aneurism, she is fine.

i am so angry.  and tired.  and just sometimes feel like giving up.

so the latest--i signed up dd2 for gymnastics, something discussed ages ago and even (surprise) agreed upon.  I gave official notice of dates/times/where/when a week prior to his week end.  Guess who was 'too sick' to go last saturday morning, but made a miraculous recovery to go on an outing to an outdoor party and chirp happily on the phone with me, while riding in the car hours later with dad and big sister?  Yes.  You betcha.

so who is taking dd2 to her make up class, because she loves it so much and is chirping away, leaping about, tumbling along the balance beam?  yes, that would be mom.

i don't even know why i'm writing about this.  i guess i'm trying to get the stress out.  i am so mad.

but...one thing that did melt my heart today that i'm going to hold onto for a little while--at dinner, before A came home from work, dd1 referred to him as her special name, AAA, TWICE, unawares. so very sweet.  It means a lot, because right after we got married, she used it all day and every day, until her father got into her ear, made her feel bad about that special name, so she's been conflicted about using it ever since and has been using an alternative (that we've been supportive and accepting of, anyway).  maybe our neutral support is working.  i can only hope, right?