April Fool's Day, April Blues Day: Healing Journey Supplies

Tools

Damn, this week has been rough. 

I have said a hundred times (or nearly) on this blog that healing is a marathon, not a sprint.  But having run a half marathon, I think this is an understatement.  Healing is a lifelong freaking ultramarathon (term for any race longer than 26.2 miles) and some days it’s so hard to get out of bed in the morning.  So today is about surviving.

In light of this, I’m packing a suitcase of tools and tips to deal with the !@#$!#$!@#$!@#$.  Here’s what I have in my bag, so I can check out of life and check into Hotel Escape.  What?  I can’t check out of life?  Work, family, job?  Responsibilities?  While I feel like !@#$? 

Dammit.  So here’s what I have in my bag so I can cope with !@#$ as I stick it out and do my best to survive:

1)  Distraction Hammer.  Sometimes, distraction is not denial.  Sometimes, getting busy with task oriented projects, cleaning out the closet, cleaning out the file drawer at work, picking apart a shelf—can take the mind off and is a break from the !@#$.  And voila! A clean shelf or closet is the result.

2)  Letting Go/Breathing Mask:  However, sometimes, you need to wallow.  It’s okay to cry.  It’s okay to let those feelings come in.  It’s okay to give space to the doubts, because to suppress them with “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “Why aren’t I over this !@#$ yet,” only turns those doubts from whispers into shouts.  So when you feel the thunderstorm coming on, take deep breaths.  Breath in 1-2-3-4, and breath out 4-3-2-1.  Repeat.  While breathing, tell yourself—I know these feelings.  I accept them.  They won’t last forever.  It will pass.  I can do it.  Repeat 10 times. 

3)  Work shoes:  I know it, this one seems crazy and a little lofty, but freaking exercise.  Pull on those shoes, throw yourself outside, and run around the block.  Or if you don’t feel like going outside, stay indoors, just start bouncing.  Run up and down the stairs a few times.  Do some jumping jacks.  Do 30.  Repeat.  Get the blood pumping and the sweat going.  Talk to yourself as you run:  I love and accept myself.  I love and accept myself.  (Even if you don’t believe it, the words are nice, and maybe with repetition, it will stick).  When you are sweating and gasping for air, you’re too occupied with survival to let the anxiety take over.  In fact, for a while after you stop sweating, your brain’s endorphins kick in and will give you some relief.  (p.s. high impact exercise is not a requirement, yoga or stretching and just moving a little bit, 10 minutes of walking a day, can help, too—in fact just that little bit of walking can reduce risk for disabilities when we are seniors!).

4) Mechanical pencil:  Take out your writing tool and write your !@#$ down.  Sometimes, the feelings are stuck inside and just need an outlet.  Or if writing is not your jam, use a different medium.  I know an amazing woman who makes art out of beach combing finds.  I think she transforms her pain into art and sells it on etsy.  I know another amazing woman who  makes a living as an independent author, transforming her traumatic experiences into published writing.  I’m not saying our pain needs to be sold on etsy or turned into a career (although kudos to those women and many more artists who do!!), but an outlet for it to get outside of your head, heart, and body helps relieve the internal pressure.

5)  Friend/Family Walkie-Talkie:  sharing a piece of our hearts with an understanding friend or family member can be super comforting.  Sometimes we think that our pain overwhelms our people, but choosing to keep it to ourselves, so as not to ‘burden’ others, can be self-defeating and isolating.  Reach out to someone you trust and a simple, “I’m having a rough day today” or “I need a hug, how are you?” can add a loving connection to your day.  Or if you don’t feel like spilling your internal !@#$, go through your contacts and think of a friend you haven’t seen in a long time.  Send them a text just to say “hi!”  You don’t have to go deep, just a friendly connection, a reminder that you are NOT alone in the universe is kind to yourself (and to them).

And to take this step further—a therapist walkie-talkie can do wonders.  Healing from trauma is not easy and if not for my therapist, I would probably still be in my abusive marriage that I left 8 years ago.  (Eight years!  !!!  !!!)

6)  Safety glasses/earmuffs:  I find another coping tool in reading.  Escaping into another world is awesome and a reprieve from my world and my !@#$.  It doesn’t have to be reading, it could be any hobby, picture collages, listening to music, beach combing, playing games.  I’ve also been into podcasts lately, especially _The Moth_, because those are real stories told by real people who experienced them, from all over the world. 

7)  Safety Instructions:  One thing to know about trauma, is that while you may have good days and bad days, and the good days are great, the bad days are likely caused by some sort of trigger related to the trauma.  Reading your instructions and examining the triggers that cause your trauma can be helpful (which is why a therapy walkie-talkie is a good tool).  I know that saying goodbye to my children when they do their visitation--is a huge trigger.  I can recognize being separated from them tugs at the separation trauma I had from when I was infant all those years ago, a pre-verbal trauma being separated from my birth mother.  I still struggle with it.  That said, knowing why I’m feeling the anxiety that I feel takes away the “crazy.”  I’m not crazy for freaking out and feeling like !@#$@.  It’s part of my story.  That’s why I need this damn toolkit.

8) Lunchbox/Thermos:  The last items in my toolkit include my lunchbox and my thermos.  Sometimes the contents can be super healthy, especially when combining with those work shoes.  A healthy body helps with a healthy spirit.  On the other hand, sometimes taking a break and eating all your favorite foods and drinking all the wine can be helpful, too.  And that goes with the setting—sometimes, you may just want to veg out and eat alone, watching your favorite tv show, or sometimes you might want to be with your people and drink and laugh and/or cry and be together.  Both choices have a place in the suitcase, because both can be helpful when dealing with the !@#$.

Bonus item—Safety pillow:  Sleep.  A good night’s sleep is good for your body, your heart and your mind.  Says the person who suffers from insomnia.  I love to sleep.  One day, I will sleep through the night again. 

Do you have anything else to add?  Thank you for reading.  I was feeling super junky when I first started writing, so just by unpacking my suitcase for you has helped me get through today.

Love and hugs, from a struggling, trying to do the best to survive, Jane Thrive

p.s. for your amusement--when searching the web for a toolkit pic to use in this post, I tried to google:  toolbag gif

This search result does not bring up pictures of toolkits.  hee hee.  Enjoy!