Monday, October 13, 2014

Drama: A Day in the Life

I get an email time stamped at 1:27am this morning (Monday, yay, first day of the work week!) saying that no, he is going to pick up DD1 today (legally not his day), and what’s up with an ultimatum about getting a response from him by Saturday at noon?

Context:  Today is a holiday for DD2 but not for DD1.  When a holiday is attached to a week end, the parent who has the week end, has the holiday.  He had this past week end.

Over the past year or so, I’ve kindly offered to keep the children together in similar situations, as I thought it would be best for the girls to be together.  Normally this has worked.  Then, last week, when DD1 was on fall break and DD2 wasn’t, the thoughtful Ex defensively stated that he would NOT be taking DD1 to her extracurricular activities, thank you very much, and then blamed my lack of informing him about the classes as the culprit.  (Rewind to August, when I informed him twice about the new ballet school and rewind four days before activities when I informed him again—which is how I learned he wouldn’t take her).

So…last week Thursday, I kindly offered that if the Ex would take DD1 to her activities today, I’d offer to let her stay over with DD2, so the children could be together.  To please let me know by noon on Saturday, otherwise I would follow the court order per DD1’s school schedule.

And…of course he doesn’t respond by noon on Saturday, so I followed up around 2pm on Saturday, informing him that I planned to pick up DD1 and follow the court order per DD1’s school schedule.

Is this too confusing?  DD1 is in school, DD2 is not.  DD1 could go over if Exie would take her to her activities, but Exie need to respond by noon on Saturday.  That was his message.

And my reasoning (which I didn’t state in the email, because it’s useless and he doesn’t care and would likely make him react even more crappily):  1)  I had to plan ahead to get her to where she needs to be, if he wouldn’t take her.  And more concerning 2) Because he didn’t take DD1 just last week, I wouldn’t agree to a change in the decree without confirmation that he would support DD1 and her activities.

But!  Nothing like an act of kindness (i.e. have DD1 for an extra night, all you have to do is support her activities!) to bite you in the a$$.  Because in at 1:27am, I’m told I am confusing him and he was absolutely going to pick her up, or I could take DD1 and then return her in time for dinner (???) and blah blah blabbity blah.

I responded simply that my email was clear and because he didn’t respond as requested, I had already made arrangements to pick up DD1.

And in the meantime, consulted co-parenting counselor, friends, attorney as to what to do—which is—go get DD1, and if he shows up, say no thank you, and if he gets cranky, call the cops.  Also, notify the school he would be in violation of the family court order if he shows up today.  Great, because having police involvement at the school is really in DD1’s best interest, right?  Also, thanks for the opportunity to air my dirty laundry to the school.  (But to be truthful, when I talked to the school, they merely responded not a problem—and did I hear a slight roll-your-eyes-camaraderie smile in her voice?--made me wonder if they’ve seen all kinds of !@#$).

A few hours later, I received a contrite email asking me to ‘please reconsider’ and blabbity blah.  Also a lovely misquote from the court order. 

I managed to keep it classy:  I responded that I had reached out last week about today but did not hear back until 1:27am this morning.  That any decisions in the past to arrange scheduling that was different than the decree were mutually agreed upon well in advance.  That I looked forward to coming to agreements ahead of schedule in the future, should the occasion arise.

Sick of this crappity crap b.s. nonsense, mom.

p.s. but i am looking forward to having a DD1-only special night.  We had a DD2 special night last week when DD1 was at a sleepover.  And...DD1 seemed excited at pick up that all the attention was going to be on her tonight...  <3 br="">


  1. How nice that you get to spend a special day with your daughter! I've been through this - you're absolutely right to set and maintain limits.

    1. Thanks so much, Liv! Has your Ex pulled this kind of crap, too? Rawr! But, DD1 had a blast last night--after homework we discovered a tooth had come loose so tucked it under her pillow. We also got to hang out and I cooked her (and hubby's) favorite--bbq ribs, yum! Plus, we did a family slumber party and watched one of her fave DVDs for a little while before bed. And lo and behold, this morning, the tooth fairy had arrived. <3 <3 <3