Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The Even Keel

I’ve received an interesting inquiry from the Ex.  It has to do with a pending work trip for him, which would cut short his week end with the children.  He is proposing a few options, swapping week ends altogether, cutting the week end short and swapping just one of the days, or just having grandma watch the children (?). 

Here’s the irony:  a while back, I also had a work trip, and who simply stood his ground and said he was providing childcare, and no swap?  Then tacked on his two weeks summer vacation when I was supposed to return from my work trip, so effectively tried to keep the children away from me for three weeks in a row?

It was after some master finagling with the coparenting counselor and myself that gave it a wee better ending:  1) I cut my work trip short, and 2) negotiated that I at least had the week end with the girls before they went off for two weeks with him.

I’d almost like to say Karma is going to bite you in the a$$, jerk face.  That I was told, too bad, so sad, and simply lost time with my children due to work obligations, and don’t you just love how that works out for you now that you’re in a similar situation?

Except, I’m not a jerk. 

And, after thinking this through:  life moves on.  There may be a work trip coming up for me out of the blue.  Or, hubby and I may plan something and maybe we will need the Ex to be flexible in the future.  So if I’m flexible now--with a kind reminder that this gesture is much different than the response I received in a similar predicament, and so that by agreeing to this, we expect it will be impetus for him to also be flexible in the future, it will be better for everyone (especially the girls).  (and yes, I cannot control if he will actually abide by this, but at least I’m doing my best to work with him.  Being a role model for the girls, even though they won’t know all the gritty details).

I’m considering doing the one day swap—picking up the girls early.  Our week ends are completely booked through the end of 2014—funny how the holiday season and sleepover plans, etc can fill up on the every other week end schedule.  So I will propose a swap for that one day sometime in early 2015.  And hope this will be an impetus for him to act more kindly towards schedule changes in the future.  But if not, at least I’ll go to bed knowing I did the right thing by the girls.  I hope.


  1. i think i would kindly mention that should there not be reciprocation the next time you need flexiblity than from that point on the parenting plan will just be followed period

    1. yes, i agree! That's a good idea. and you know, i did finally write and agreed to a one day swap, but if early 2015 was too far in advance or too complicated for him, he could choose to let it go.

  2. I could have written this. I so understand the sentiment. And no - he won't remember or reciprocate next time. But you can look at yourself in the mirror tomorrow knowing you did the right thing. Well done Jane.

    1. You're right, Liv, he won't remember--and now he is clamoring for something different. A good deed never goes unpunished! I'd say LOL, but...i'm more feeling like "le sigh."